#with literally everything else I wasn’t able to put energy towards but had to‚ I ended up just saying fuck it and choosing the simplest opti

[jinglyhigh-heels]

Me: Ugh god I’m not handling this well at all. I go to work every day and I can’t do this anymore. Since I’m in college, I can just ‘quit’ and give myself summer break, but what am I supposed to do once I graduate? I’m hoping that liking what I do will help, but from what I can tell I just hate work. Even during the school year when I was just working half days on Friday and weekends, I was still barely forcing myself to go. I never have energy to do things outside of work. Where on the internet can I post about this and ask for advice?

The realization: that is literally just therapy. You want therapy.

[no-thoughts-only-soup]

To Secure / Risk It All

Chapter 2

PART 2 YALL

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | | Part 10 | Part 11

—————

SCP-173 had been a nightmare and a half, but they’d finally be able to contain it again. Curt leaned back in his chair in the panic room. All in all, everything had worked out decently well. Sure, Den had died, but she was thankfully the only casualty.

Speaking of, Den floated next him, having found him and deciding to keep him company. Curt would never say it out loud, but he appreciated it.

“So.” He turned to her. “How do you find Kristine?”

Den glanced over to him, shrugging. “She’s funny, that’s for sure. Can’t help but think of Chilly though. I know that’s not fair to her but that’s how it is.”

Curt sighed. “Yeah, it’s gonna take a bit to get used to her. But you guys seem to like her, I think.”

Den chuckled. “She definitely brings back the energy we’ve been missing.”

Curt chuckled with her, slowly getting up from his chair and preparing to head back now that it was safe.

Den’s voice stopped him before he could do so. “Hey, do you know what happened to her? To Chilly?”

Curt paused. It was still hard to believe Chilly just up and left them. And honestly, he wasn’t really obligated to tell them. But as he turned to face Den and saw her worried look, his conscience won. Chilly was Den’s friend too. She deserved to know.

“I… was told she was found innocent, so she was allowed to leave the Foundation. Don’t know anything more than that.”

“Oh, I see…” Den rubbed her arm, her face full of mixed emotions that Curt couldn’t really pin down. Emotions were more Christian’s thing. “Well… good for her I guess.”

His eyes trailed away. “Yeah, I’m happy she’s safe…”

But they both felt something else. Betrayal? Bitterness? Disappointment?

Because he couldn’t face Den, he tried to focus his eyes on literally anything else. Which is why noticed movement on one of the cameras.

“Hey are those Foundation guys moving your corpse?”

Den, broken out of her thoughts, spun around, looking at the screen.

“Oh motherf- they better don’t do shit to my body!”

She zipped away, ghosting right through the wall. Curt decided to was time to meet up with his friends too, and left the panic room.

Christian, Ivan and Kristine were teasing Den as she tried to get her body back from some staff member Curt didn’t bother to remember. Soon enough, they were all back on their way to the D-Class cells. At some point, Ivan and Kristine started arguing. Curt wasn’t sure what started it, but from the snippets of dialog he could make out ‘anime titties’ and ‘Worcestershire sauce’. He was good not knowing, thanks.

Besides, he was too busy thinking thinking to himself to pay attention to him. This whole mess didn’t make sense. Why did Chilly just up and leave like that? Why was it a researcher that took her out of the cell? Why were his main assignments only having his friends get into trouble with SCPs? Sure, trouble was usually part of their usual shenanigans with scenarios, but no one had ever commanded him to do things like this. And why did it feel like no one in the Foundation was doing any work towards uncovering what happened that faithful day that resulted in his friends lying unconscious in a field of dead bodies. It’d been weeks now, shouldn’t they be at least having suspicions? What—

Something bumped into his hip. Startled, Curt looked to his side, meeting Christian’s eyes.

“You good, man?”

Curt blinked. Stared ahead. Ivan and Kristine had gotten into a fist fight with each other that got the two guards with the squad occupied, while Den cheered them on. No one was paying attention to him.

Scratching his neck, Curt put his focus back to Christian and exhaled. “Yeah, just… thinking.”

“Mind sharing with the class?” Christian asked him, bluntly reminding him that Christian was in fact, a therapist.

He cast his look downwards, kicking some loose rubble away.

“It’s just… things aren’t making sense. I feel like I’m overlooking something big. Something… important. Like this goes beyond just our usual stuff.”

Christian waved his hands sarcastically. “Oooooh, what tipped you off? Our shitty hint provider? Chilly being mysteriously taken away? The fact we’re still in this shit ass place?”

Curt couldn’t help but give him a small smile, though he dropped it a second later. “All that and more I guess. I dunno, I guess I just have a lot to think about.”

“Use that brain to prevent us from dying next time, thanks.”

Curt laughed. “Come on, how many times have we died already? It’s not that big a deal, Den’s gonna be back soon enough and—“

Realization hit him. Oh. Oh! Oh god, why didn’t he think of that before? Jesus, is that’s true… then…

“Hey,” Christian’s voice distracted him. His look was more serious now. “you figured something out?”

Curt’s mind was racing, but the guards were finally starting to calm down Ivan and Kristine. He took a deep breath and looked Christian directly in the eyes.

“I think do, yeah, but I gotta confirm it first. Can you do me a favor?”

Christian smirked. “Depends, what’s in it for me?”

“Ribs. Dunno if I can get the McDonald’s one but I’ll try.” Curt smirked back.

“Ehhhhhhh… good enough, what’s it?”

He lowered his voice, almost in a whisper. “Once you’re in the cell, wait about 30 minutes and then cause a distraction.“

“Dawg, you should have started with that, I’m always up for starting shit. I’ll still take the ribs though.” Christian laughed, though his voice was softer than usual too.

“Thanks man.”

It looked like the guards finally succeeded in calming the other two down. Before they continued, Curt leaned towards Christian once more.

“Last thing. I might sound crazy, but don’t trust Kristine yet.���

Christian’s face didn’t change, though his eyes did flicker to her. “Any particular reason?”

“Nah just… a gut feeling.”

“Noted, thanks Curt’s gut.”

“Ass.”

They arrived at the D-Class cells. Curt playfully waved them goodbye like usual, though his smile didn’t reach his eyes. The second he walked out, they steeled.

He knew what he had to do.

————

[babyboiboyega]

The Study Room Pt. 3 (HBCU!Shuri x Black!Fem!reader)

HBCU!Shuri x Black!Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6.9k (wHEW)

Content: fluff, a little profanity, angst, slight violence, shit is getting real lmao

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A/N: HELLO! I did change some things in the first part. Instead of Queen Ramonda calling Shuri, Okoye is the person who calls her! Mainly because I kind of changed my mind about bringing Ramonda back to life for this series. I love her character literally so much...but I think its important to stay with the storyline of how her death affected Shuri. I think that's all I have to say. OH! This series will have another name sooner rather than later! With the plot I have in my mind, "The Study Room" doesn't really fit...but we'll see!

Other than that...enjoy the third part! 

TRANSLATIONS:

Ikumkani wam: my queen

Ukumkanikazi: queen

Ngoku: now

******

Recap: 

“Okay. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

The smile on Shuri’s face radiated fondness and a softness that no one else on campus had seen as she watched your breaths even out. Even as she was sure that you were asleep, she continued to rub your hand, the motion that had put you to sleep relaxing her more and more.

You weren’t awake to hear her words, but she spoke them nonetheless into the darkened room.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

**********

You didn’t know how long you had been sleeping when you were awoken by your phone buzzing on the bedside table next to you. It had been so tempting to ignore it, but then the memory of recent events flew to the forefront of your mind. The only people you could think of that would call you at such a time of the night were close family members, Imani, and Imani’s parents. After the night’s events, it wasn’t surprising when you picked up your phone to see Imani’s mother calling you.

Quickly sliding out of bed, you quietly walked into Shuri’s bathroom, closing the door softly behind you.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Y/N. It’s Mrs. Byers.”

It was easy to keep the fatigue at bay for the meantime, especially as you figured that she was only calling because of some kind of update on Imani. However, you couldn’t stop your eyes from closing, one of your hands reaching up to rub at them.

“Hey, Mrs. Byers. How’s Imani? Is everything okay?”

The both of you spoke quietly on the phone for the next few minutes. She told you of the small update they had been given in the middle of the night, and how the update meant that they’d be able to take Imani home first thing in the morning. She had even asked if you were okay and if you had found a place to stay for the night, to which you replied with a rather vague confirmation that you had indeed found a place to stay. 

After asking her to have Imani call in the morning, if she was up for it, the call ended with both of you bidding the other goodnight. Almost immediately after hanging up, the stress that had been seizing your body during the entire ordeal dissipated. Mrs. Byers’ confirmation that her daughter would be perfectly fine prompted that exhaustion from earlier to smack into you, this time, completely unbridled and without the influence of stress and worry. 

You didn’t waste another second stepping back into the darkened room, intent on crawling right back into Shuri’s bed and resuming your sleep. Your steps came up short as you saw Shuri’s shadowy figure sitting up on the edge of her bed, facing you. She reached over, fiddling with something on the bedside table, and then there was a soft, purple glow emitting from some kind of crystal/rock. 

“Everything okay?”

Despite being dead tired, your exhausted brain still held enough energy to start racing at the sound of her groggy, raspy voice and how it was full of worry. She moved to stand up but you quickly held out a hand, walking towards her.

“No, it's fine. Everything’s good. That was Imani’s mom and she was just letting me know that they’ll be able to take her home in the morning.”

She nodded, rubbing at her face. In the dim lighting of the room, you could make out a small smile on her face. 

“That’s good. I’m glad. So…you comin' back to bed?”

Her question quite literally rendered you speechless, and it was solely because of the innuendo her words held. The question was one that most would expect to hear from their partner…not their friend that they had surely grown feelings for and who they had to share a bed with.

Not to mention the light and hopeful tone in her voice as she asked the question, almost as if she wanted you to get back into bed. As if she wanted to share a space that could certainly be seen as intimate in some settings with you. 

“Y/N?”

“Huh? Yeah! Yeah, I’m coming back to bed.”

God, were you thankful for the dim lighting of the room. If not for it, she would have surely been able to see your face and the way you had to bite back a giddy smile as you walked back to your side. She held the covers up as you slid back into your space, and only once you were laying down did she pull the covers over the two of you after turning off the lamp.

It felt natural getting back into the same position you two had initially gone to sleep in. The only difference this time was that, instead of Shuri reaching for your hand and tracing shapes, you reached for hers. This time, you traced idle shapes into her skin, letting your eyes shut and letting sleep once again claim you both. 

*************

Waking up just a few hours later was a little different. As the first signs of consciousness reached you, the various reminders that you weren’t in your own bed once again confronted you. 

For starters, where the sun usually streamed through your window, beaming directly into your face in your dorm, the opposite could be said for Shuri’s. There were nice, blackout curtains covering the windows of her room that you hadn’t noticed the night before (presumably to provide her a good enough sense of privacy), and the same crystal that had given off the soft, purple light last night was on. The relaxing aura it gave off reminded you of the woman it belonged to- the same woman who was missing from her own room. 

Slowly sitting up, you fixed your bonnet, surprised to not find it on the other side of the bed (or room). Your eyes, still a little heavy with sleep, looked around the room for the one person you wanted to see only to come up empty. They closed again, your head falling to the pillow as a sigh left your mouth. The urge to grab the cover and pull it right back over you continued to grow the longer you laid there, but your attention was soon drawn to the door of Shuri’s room as the sound of keys being inserted rang out. The door swung open right as you sat up, eyes instantly finding the princess herself.

“Oh, good morning. How’d you sleep?”

She carried two paper bags in her hand that she sat down on her desk while she shed her coat, exposing her t-shirt and sweatpants, the clothes she had worn to bed.  Kicking off her shoes and turning to you, she walked in your direction, picking up the bags.

“I slept pretty okay. How’d you sleep? Also I’m sorry for waking you up last night.” Shuri proceeded to grab a tray-like item, setting it on her bed in front of you. She set the bags on the tray before crawling back into bed, sitting beside you.

“It’s totally fine. I’m just glad your friend is okay.” There was a smile on her face as she glanced at you before reaching into her bag. Your eyebrows furrowed as she motioned for you to do the same, and upon leaning closer, the smell of food became apparent. 

“Thank you- did you get us breakfast?”

To answer, she unboxed her food, showcasing it to you. She held a bagel topped with cream cheese and fruit out for you to see. It looked delicious, and you found yourself actually wanting to try it; that is until you remembered that she had gotten you your own food.

Reaching into your own bag, you pulled out a sandwich item wrapped with parchment paper. The mouth-watering smell grew, and as it did, you could feel it tugging at a familiar part of your brain. Opening the paper showed that your breakfast consisted of a croissant that was stuffed with what looked and smelled to be nutella and slices of fruit. You immediately recognized it as your go to order from one of your favorite cafes on campus. 

You looked up, ready to thank her generously for breakfast, but then you realized not one, but two things. The first realization was that Shuri’s dorm wasn’t the closest to the cafe, having to be at least a 10 minute walk. The second realization came after you looked closer at Shuri and saw little droplets of water in her curls. Eyebrows furrowing, you leaned forward without thinking, catching a drop of water that had been getting ready to fall off of a curl and right onto her face. You quickly pulled your hand back, though, at the way Shuri froze, her eyes softening at your actions.

“Shuri…don’t tell me it was raining and you walked to get breakfast.”

Once again, instead of answering, she simply shrugged with a knowing smile on her face. She raised her bagel to her mouth, taking a bite as she gazed at you.

You gawked at her, eyes wide in disbelief. She let it go on for a second before she motioned to your food in your hand, her eyebrows raising.

“You need to eat before it gets cold.”

She somehow sounded both teasing and demanding at the same time, and the thrill that it sent through you made you lose all words you were going to say. Wordlessly, you lifted the crescent to your mouth, taking a bite. You couldn’t help the small, satisfied sigh that left your mouth at the taste of your favorite breakfast item. 

It had admittedly been a while since the last time you had it, due to things just being a little extra hectic lately. Winter break was approaching which also meant the arrival of finals, something you had gratefully finished the week before. But even after finishing your last exam, going to your favorite cafe hadn’t been on your list of priorities, unfortunately. But leave it to Shuri to provide a reminder of why and how much you loved the cafe.

A minute or two of you both eating in content silence passed until you broke it. You spoke softly, not wanting to disrupt the air of tranquility.

“Can I ask what kind of lamp that is?”

She glanced over her shoulder at the crystal lamp still providing a little bit of light before turning back to you. 

“It’s quartz crystal infused with vibranium from Wakanda. Given to me as a ‘going away’ present by a friend.” She smiled fondly as she spoke, but then she motioned to something behind you.

“I have two. One on this side, and one on your side.”

The only thing that distracted you from possibly overthinking her usage of the words ‘your side’ was when she placed her food back on the tray and leaned over. She rose onto her knees, reaching over your lap to turn the lamp on. She was close enough for you to smell the hair products in her hair, undoubtedly activated by the rain outside. They smelled natural and soothing; nothing like the chemical filled products often found in the states. 

You set a hand behind you, leaning back on it to give her more space, no matter how much you wanted to lean forward. Her hand landed on the other side of your lap, propping her up as she leaned over, fiddling with the lamp. You watched as the same light emitted from it only for it to change into a soft, blue color. 

Leaning in the same direction as her, you looked closer at the light, taking the time to truly admire it. The only word that could be used to describe it was…enchanting. You wouldn’t call it magical; there was something much deeper about its appeal to call it simply ‘magical’. 

“So the quartz reacts to the vibranium, making it glow like that.” You assumed, eyes narrowing slightly in curiosity. “I’m assuming it was your genius addition that makes it possible to change the color.” 

Your words were said with a smile as you turned your head to look at her only to finally realize how close you two were. She nodded, her gaze unwavering from where it connected with yours. Her voice was soft as she responded.

“Yeah…I developed a way to alter the smallest bit of irradiation inside of the crystal, which makes it change colors.” 

The answer was simple enough, but you still couldn’t help staring in awe at her. She had taken an already scientifically advanced item and further advanced it. It wasn’t a surprise that she could do it, but it was still something to be in awe of.

“It…it makes sense. It’s also not surprising that you made it better.” A breathless laugh left your mouth, making her laugh softly. She propped herself up more which only brought her face closer to yours. It was obvious how your heart sped up if your quickened breaths were anything to go by. 

“Is that what you think? That I make things better?”

Was this really happening?

Shuri’s eyes unabashedly looked down at your lips, and the next breath you took in stuttered slightly. Her movements were slow as she leaned closer, drawing her face closer to yours until the air from her next words could be felt on your lips.

When she spoke, her voice was rough around the edges, as if she were straining herself back from doing more and trying her best to get them out. Her free hand raced, tracing a path from the tips of your free hand up to your elbow, which she used to pull you closer. You didn’t offer any resistance, essentially a pile of puddy in her hands. Your name left her mouth on a  breathless exhale.

“Tell me to stop…if you don’t want this, tell me to stop.”

You couldn’t possibly make your voice work right, so you settled with shaking your head. Her movements paused in their entirety; she stopped drawing you closer and her tracing stopped.

“I need to hear it.”

“I don’t want you to stop.” Your voice was merely a whisper, almost getting stuck in your throat as you forced them out. The breathlessness of your voice made a crooked smile appear on Shuri’s face as she leaned forward once more. She lifted her hand, using it to tip your chin back.

Your body felt as if it were on fire as she paused again, simply observing the position she had you in. The spots where her skin came into contact with yours were the hottest, though it felt as if molten lava flowed from those spots and through your veins. She still had that damned smile on your face, and you wanted nothing to kiss it right off. You could feel something close to defiance entering your mind, spurred on by the way she continued to tease you, even in the slightest. It made you clench your jaw, lifting your chin more as you hardened your gaze where it connected with hers…and she immediately recognized your look for what it was. 

Her eyebrows rose in a mixture of surprise and amusement, and then she was finally about to close the gap, her lips skimming just the surface of your bottom lip-

Only for you both to quickly separate at the sound of 3 heavy knocks landing on her door. It quickly shattered the air surrounding you; the tranquility, the vulnerability, the tension.  It didn’t get rid of it in its entirety, for it still simmered right there on the surface, turning more into a need than a want. 

A quick glance Shuri’s way showed her rubbing a hand down her face in frustration and turning towards the door. She quickly scooted to the edge of the bed before pausing, sending a look over her shoulder at you. The attraction that had been in her eyes mere seconds ago was still there, but it almost seemed masked now. You couldn’t find an ounce of regret in her eyes, but the sudden change had your heart beating quickly, and not in anticipation. More so in nervousness.

“*Ikumkani wam…I know you are in there. You know I have no reservation about kicking this door down.”

Shuri’s eyes widened almost comically as she turned back to the door, quickly making her way towards it. As her back was turned, you took the chance to place a hand against your chest, willing your heart to go back to its regular pace. 

“Okoye? What are you doing here?”

She swung the door open, only enough to speak to the person outside- Okoye, she had said. The name sounded familiar, though you were seriously questioning your own judgment at the moment.

Okoye. Okoye.

Connecting the name to the multiple stories Shuri had told about the stoic, intelligent, and deadly General of Wakanda’s army made you scramble to get out of bed. You had no idea what you would do, but for some reason, being caught in Shuri’s bed by the general of an army seemed to be at the bottom of the list of things you wanted to go through so early in the morning. 

Flinging the covers to the side sent your phone flying and bouncing off of the wall. A few events happened in the span of a few seconds, effectively turning the morning into chaos. 

Your foot became caught in the comforter as you hurried to reach for it, causing you to follow its path and land in a heap on the floor. Shuri quickly turned at the sound just in time to see you go over the side of the bed, and the door was pushed out of her hand as the general quickly stepped in.

Hand closing around your phone, you managed to right yourself and grabbed the bed to pull yourself up. You came face to face with something metal and something so sharp it almost became invisible as you pulled yourself back up. Your body tensed so quickly and so much that it wasn’t a surprise when a painful tweak went through your back, though you didn’t dare move. 

Eyes flickering from the edge of the weapon to the face of the newcomer, the damn General, you slowly and shakily raised your hands. You didn’t even blink, too afraid of doing something that could even potentially be seen as threatening. 

“Okoye, wait!”

Shuri’s voice seemed like the damn voice of an angel as she quickly rushed forward, placing a hand on Okoye’s arm. She spoke slowly but firmly.

“She’s a friend, not a threat. You brought a spear in here?”

Your gratitude undoubtedly showed on your face as you looked at Shuri, because she nodded assuredly, giving you a small, tight smile. At Shuri’s actions and words, Okoye retracted her spear, tilting her chin up as she assessed you. When she spoke, her voice wasn’t unkind…but it wasn’t kind either.

“Oh, I can see that. And I brought a spear because I felt the need to.” Her head turned to face Shuri and you almost immediately sagged in relief, though your eyes widened as her spear retracted into a small, hand sized pole. 

“You felt the need to bring a vibranium spear to a college campus, and then threaten my friend with it-”

“Shuri, we need to talk. It’s important.”

There must have been something in Okoye’s voice that spoke to the seriousness of the situation because Shuri paused, stepping closer to her. Her eyebrows furrowed and the typical playful Shuri you knew quickly disappeared, a more regal version of her appearing. 

“What is it? What’s happened?”

Assuming that the two of them would have just forgotten about you while discussing, presumably what would be Wakandan business, was a little foolish of you. So when Okoye didn’t respond, instead choosing to look expectantly in your direction. She raised an eyebrow, and you immediately got the message. 

Once again, you found yourself rushing to stand to your feet. You were able to do so without incident this time, quickly snatching your phone up. You nodded in understanding.

“Oh! Yeah, of course. I’ll go-uh, do something and let you two talk.”

Nevermind the fact that you had no idea where you would go. You still had on your pjs and bonnet and it was raining outside…but now Okoye was staring at you, waiting for you to leave. Her attention only made you move faster. 

“Wait, no, wait.” Right as you reached for your shoes, a hand landed on your arm, effectively pausing your actions. You spoke before Shuri could continue, placing your hand on top of hers. 

“It’s okay. If it’s important then I probably shouldn’t be here. Especially if it has to do with…Wakanda. I’ll go get us some lunch. Just call me when you’re done.” You sent her a smile that was surprisingly easy to muster up, especially in the face of all the chaos and confusion that had just happened.

She looked at you for a few seconds, undoubtedly trying to see through your words and to see what you were truly thinking. When she was seemingly satisfied with what she saw, she sighed in resignation. Nodding, she squeezed your arm gently before letting it go. 

“Alright. I’ll call as soon as we’re done.” 

You nodded, leaning down to put on your shoes. Once you grabbed your coat, you made your way to the door, pausing to awkwardly nod a goodbye at Okoye. She had the heart to give you the tiniest, strained smile before nodding back, and then you were closing the door behind you. 

The second the door closed, Shuri was whirling to stare incredulously at Okoye, mouth agape. 

“I have to say, Okoye. I’m both surprised and not that you’d barge in while I’m at school and then basically order my friend to leave.”

“We both know that’s not just your friend.”

Okoye rolled her eyes, stepping around her and in the direction of the covered windows. She pulled a curtain aside just enough to peek outside before letting it fall back into place. Shuri opened and closed her mouth, looking for a response. Before she could find one,  Okoye  turned to face Shuri, letting out a sigh.

“You’re being watched.”

Shuri tensed, her body freezing at Okoye’s words. She was being watched? Who would follow the sitting queen of Wakanda? Who would risk getting in trouble with Wakanda because of their stalker tendencies?

At Shuri’s silence, Okoye stepped closer. She brandished her kimoyo beads and then they were both looking at projections of pictures…pictures that consisted of Shuri in different parts of the campus they were currently on. There were some of her walking between classes, eating in the dining hall, even when she had studied in the library. 

Instead of feeling fear or nervousness, she felt irritation. Annoyance. Leave it to some person without boundaries on campus to make her college-going experience weird. Her irritation showed on her face as she looked at Okoye. 

“It’s probably just some weirdo here on campus.”

Her words trailed off as Okoye shook her head, her eyes widening to convey the seriousness of the situation.

“You don’t understand, Shuri. They sent these to the Doras who are assigned to you. They knew who they were and what they were here for and managed to send pictures to them. Not only that, but we are unable to trace where they came from as of right now. Whoever they are…they know how to cover their tracks.”

Shuri’s mind raced slightly as she turned away, her fingers fidgeting. What the hell did they want- what were they hoping to achieve by sending those pictures? Was it a scare tactic? A threat of some kind? A demand?

“**Ukumkanikazi, I think it's best if you come back to Wakanda. At least for the time being, and until we can figure this out.”

Shuri instantly hated the idea of letting this nameless and faceless person, or people, put her life on pause. Sure, she had a life in Wakanda, but that life was one full of royal duties and inheritance. She quite enjoyed this life she had made on her own; she had gotten into college on her own, picked out her classes, made friends…all on her own. And now this…creep felt entitled enough to insert their unwanted and stalker-like personality into it. 

She felt as if she were running, despite the fact that she had already planned on going back to Wakanda for winter break. That was the only reason she wasn’t giving Okoye such a hard time right now, but she’d make sure to carve time out of her schedule to do so later on. 

“I had already planned on coming back for break. I…can’t just up and leave now. Let me at least talk to my fri- to Y/N, explain what's going on.”

She wouldn’t even entertain the thought of leaving without explaining herself to you. Even if she were to do something like that, she had a feeling that you wouldn’t be…too mad at her, especially in the face of a situation like this. You’d want her to do exactly what Okoye said, especially if it meant that she’d be away from the people surveilling her.

Okoye sent her a knowing look, one that let Shuri know that she knew exactly what had been happening at the time of her arrival. She sent one back that let Okoye know that she wouldn’t be leaving unless she spoke to you.

Finally, after a brief staredown from the two hard-headed women, Okoye let out a resigned sigh. She waved a hand, turning towards her door.

“Fine. Call your little…friend. And then pack your things and meet me on the roof. I don’t want to have to come and find you, Shuri.” 

She copied Okoye’s actions, raising a hand and half heartedly waving in agreement as she sought out her phone. Her hand closed around it right as she heard the door shut, and it took her less than a few seconds to find your name and click on it. 

As it rang, she moved around her room, taking note of the things she’d end up packing. It wouldn’t be a lot; she had everything she needed and more already in Wakanda…but she wanted to take her posters and the little trinkets she had acquired during her time in America. Maybe she’d have time to come back and get them once everything calmed down-

No. Why was she thinking as if she’d never be able to come back? She’d make sure she’d be able to come back, so she would leave those posters and trinkets. Okay, maybe she’d take a few of them. 

The phone continued to ring, making her eyebrows furrow. She pulled it away from her ear, hanging the call up only to call right back. She tried not to let the nervous feeling in her chest grow, but the longer the call rang without being answered, the more it became apparent. 

She continued to listen to the ringing as a series of knocks landed on her door. She barely registered the knocking, even as she went to open the door. There had been a small, hopeful feeling that your face would’ve been on the other side of the door, but instead it was Okoye once again. Upon hearing your voicemail answer instead of your voice, she let out a sigh.

“I’m coming, Okoye. I’m still trying to reach her-”

“Shuri, you need to see this.”

The urge to tell Okoye to just wait a second died instantly as she caught a glimpse of what she wanted her to see. She had more pictures projected from her kimoyo beads, all of them still showing Shuri, but she wasn’t the only one in them this time. 

Shuri’s heart dropped as she stepped closer, her eyes focusing on the other face in the pictures; the only person she had been seen with on campus.

You.

She quickly looked at Okoye, worry clear as day on her face. That worry that had been gnawing at her nerves turned into a violent pang that wracked through her body as the pictures continued to change, all of them consisting of you and her. As she continued to watch, she dialed your number again, internally pleading that you’d just answer the phone.

“For Bast’s sake, answer the phone. Please-” Her words cut off abruptly at the last picture in the stack. 

If it hadn’t been taken by some threatening stalker, the picture would have been sweet. Perfect, even. But no, because of the circumstances, the moment captured became tainted. It became…scary.

The picture showed the two of you leaving the library after one of your many study sessions, right as you two bid each other goodnight and went your separate ways. You both were faced the opposite direction of the other, hands up and undoubtedly waving bye. 

On the back of the last picture, crudely scribbled in red ink, were the words:

DONT YOU UNDERSTAND THE SAHDE IN HER HEART

BE GRAETFUL DEAR  OUR UNION IS FATED

DELIVERANC DEMANDS YOU DO YOU PART

The lack of punctuation, the scribbling, the typos, the message itself said enough about who this person was, and just how unhinged they were. The projection allowed her to see how the word “HER” seemed to be worse than the other words, almost intelligible…and scribbled right over where your face was on the other side of the picture. 

“When did you get these?” 

The look on Okoye’s face didn’t help the situation at all. In fact, it only made it harder for Shuri. She to take a deep breath around the tight feeling in her chest, though the feeling didn’t go anywhere. 

“Ayo received these 10 minutes ago.”

Shuri cursed loudly, quickly walking around Okoye and towards her door. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation as she stepped into the hallway, Okoye hot on her heels. 

“Shuri, we have to have a plan!”

“The plan is to find Y/N before anything can happen!” 

There wasn’t room in Shuri’s voice for any negotiation as they burst into the stairwell and flew down the stairs. Okoye could only follow, speaking into her kimoyo beads to the assigned Doras who were placed on campus. She gave them your description and stressed how important it was to find you.

Shuri, on the other hand, only thought about how she would literally go through anything and anyone to get to you. 

**********

You literally hadn’t known what to do the second you stepped out of Shuri’s dorm building, so you had picked a direction, and simply started walking in it. It didn’t take long for you to realize that you were walking in the direction of the library. You hadn’t brought your bag with you, so you didn’t have your computer, but maybe you could find something to do while there. 

Of course and unsurprisingly, as you walked, hood up and trying to shield your face from the rain, your thoughts strayed to Shuri and what she and Okoye had to talk about. You hoped it wasn’t anything too worrisome, for you knew exactly how much Shuri cared for her home country. She’d drop any and everything in a heartbeat to go and deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

Making this conclusion made you come to the realization that…any and everything included you. You honestly couldn’t fault her; she was queen of an entire country. There were more important things she’d have to worry about- things a lot more important than you two meeting in the library and eating things from the cafe together. More important things than…than whatever had happened in her room. 

You let out a heavy sigh, one full of acceptance that there’d probably never be a time where you’d be considered above her duties- nor did you expect to be. 

You pulled out your phone, glancing down at it for a quick second, looking for a call from Shuri that you knew hadn’t come yet. That one second was enough for you to practically run into another person, so hard that you stumbled back a few steps.

The other person, also with a rain jacket covering their body, their hood up, simply rushed past you. Your head turned to follow their retreating figure, eyebrows furrowed and your lips twisted.

“Excuse you. Damn…I thought we learned manners at a young age.”

You placed your hands back in your pockets, turning to continue your walk. The interaction was instantly pushed to the back of your mind as you thought of maybe picking up lunch for the two of you. But you two had literally just had breakfast, not even an hour ago. There was nothing wrong with an early lunch, right? Maybe you could call it brunch?

Or maybe you’d ask if you could take a nap. Maybe it was the rain and dreary skies making you feel a little tired, because you hadn’t felt so…heavy and slow moving when you had left Shuri’s dorm. 

The feeling persisted, and it only occurred to you that something was wrong when you felt as if you were running out of breath. It was impossible; you’d only been walking. Then came the feeling of being hot despite seeing your breath leave your mouth in a white cloud. The cold rain couldn’t offer any reprieve.

Something was wrong. 

The next step you tried to take felt too heavy, too clumsy. As soon as you managed to lift it and bring it down, you felt your knee go out. You couldn’t do anything but allow gravity to take over, your body coming into contact with the brick walkway. You tried to catch yourself with your hands, though the second you settled your weight on them, they flew out from under you.

Your tongue felt like lead in your mouth, too numb to move. The feeling of your heart speeding up was concerning and honestly the scariest thing you had ever been through. You could feel your heart beating, but it felt too violent- like it was trying to burst from your chest. 

Your actions weren’t your own as you ripped your jacket off, rolling to lay on your side. The fact that you were laying in the middle of the walkway didn’t cross your mind; the only thing you could focus on was the feeling of your body burning from the inside out. 

Your phone had flown out of your hand as you had hit the ground, and in a distant part of your mind, you could hear it ringing. You didn’t have the strength to reach out and find it. 

Your lips formed words but your throat was too dry to push them out. Just the effort of trying to call out for help was painful, but you continued to try, nonetheless. Your pain-addled brain kept thinking only one thing. Only one name continued to form on your lips as a threatening and malicious darkness seeped into your vision. 

**********

“Have they found her yet?”

Shuri’s voice was firm in her questioning, but anyone who knew her could hear the thinly concealed panic in it. 

Her and Okoye had raced outside before picking a direction. It wasn’t just any random direction, it was what Shuri had thought of. Her reason for picking the direction was because it led straight to the library, one of your comfort spots. Where else would you go after being unexpectedly kicked out of her dorm?

Okoye barked a question into her kimoyo beads as they ran, but the answer they received back only made Shuri’s footsteps quicken. She had to remind herself that with her recently acquired…abilities, she could now outrun Okoye, so she tried her absolute hardest to keep pace with her.

“Get the talon in the air and locate her. ***Ngoku!”

She heard Okoye’s orders, but they seemed to go in one ear and out the other as soon as Shuri looked ahead. If she thought her heart dropped earlier, that was nothing compared to what she felt as she saw a figure lying in the middle of the walkway, still. Too still.

The gasp she let out was ragged as she recognized the jacket you had walked out of her dorm with. It was easy to completely forget Okoye as she sprinted to your side, instantly dropping to her knees. 

Her hands hovered, not knowing where to touch you… not knowing what was wrong with you. She hastily pulled her kimoyo beads off of her wrist, placing them on your chest. She sucked in a sharp breath at how cold your skin was and prayed that it was only because of the cold rain. 

“Griot, what are her vitals?”

The beads projected your too slow heart rate above your chest, the sight making Shuri’s hands shake as she placed them against your cheeks. 

“She appears to be suffering from bradycardia as a result of some unknown substance. Life scans show a small puncture wound on the inside of her right elbow.”

A quick glance at the mentioned limb proved the AI’s words. There was a small circle, almost imperceptible, in the crook of your arm. There was a bead of dried blood near the site, probably having dropped at the time of the injection.

“Your highness, she seems to be slightly gaining consciousness.”

Shuri leaned over, shielding the rain from falling into your face and calling your name softly. In response, you let out a low, hoarse groan, the action physically hurting you. 

“We’re going to get you help, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Can you hear me?”

Your eyes wouldn’t open, but you didn’t need your sight to know that it was Shuri leaning over you. Your lips once again formed her name, though you couldn’t tell if sound escaped you or not. 

“I’m here. You think you can stay awake for me? That’s all I need you to do- just stay awake.” You were too out of it to hear the way her voice shook. It was hard to distinguish anything when your body was in a constant state of crippling pain- a pain you had never experienced before. 

Shuri could see your lips moving slightly, and she had to lower her head to hear you whisper her name. It gave her a little solace that you were able to tell who she was, though she wouldn’t calm down completely until you were stable and back to your regular self. 

“The talon is here. We’ll put her in the cradle and stabilize her.” 

Okoye spoke quickly, glancing up as the aircraft arrived and hovered over them. Shuri didn’t dare look away from you, her eyes flickering between your projected vitals and your face. 

She’d have to confront her fear and panic at the idea of losing you later; right now, you needed her and she needed to keep a clear head in order to help you. She still didn’t know what you had been injected with, which meant she didn’t have a cure. She didn’t know how to help you, and that thought alone made her chest seize. 

She lifted your upper half onto her lap, wiping away the tears that had unknowingly leaked from the corners of your eyes. Seeing you, someone who was usually so lively and who always made her laugh, in such a state of pain was all it took for her to take the situation more seriously. 

This person had targeted you; an innocent. Your only mistake was befriending her, and she didn’t need to think hard to assume that you thought the same thing.

Shuri’s gaze stayed on your still figure, willing you to open your eyes or say something else; even as the talon’s levitating technology carefully pulled them inside the ship. The second the ship’s entrance closed, she was pulling you into her chest and placing you in the cradle: the technology used to stabilize and treat the injured until they could get back to their lab. 

“Griot-”

“Yes, Your Highness?”

“Stabilize her vitals. Take a blood sample and analyze it for familiar properties, and then compare it to every cure we have in Wakanda.”

She put her hands flat on the cradle as you were slowly sealed inside of it, as if she could reach through the glass and heal you yourself. Bast, she wished she could. Anything to help you. 

Even after her AI had done everything requested of it, she stayed in the same spot. Even after she was alerted that you were stabilized for now, she stayed in the same spot. She’d be damned if she left your side after you were hurt because of your connection to her. 

“General Okoye.”

She appeared by Shuri’s side almost instantly, eyebrows furrowed and eyes questioning.

“I want you to lead the search for the person that did this.”

They had both known that Okoye would lead the search, as it was her job. But hearing her agree to it calmed the smallest portion of Shuri’s nerves. It reassured her that someone she could trust and someone she knew would get the job done was working on it. 

“Of course, Ukumkanikazi. We’ll find them.”

Shuri lifted her eyes, meeting Okoye’s hard and confident gaze, and nodded once in thanks. 

She knew that Okoye would beg to differ should she hear her inner thoughts, but this was no longer about her being surveilled. This was about them targeting a woman who she cared immensely for…all to get to her. 

Oh, she’d find them. By any means necessary.

Sorry for the little cliff hanger and...ya know...the whole “we nearly kissed but got interrupted” trope. I love slow burns with palpable tension, but with circumstances that keep them apart LMAO

Hope you all enjoyed this part! I'm really excited to continue this series, and once again, I'd like to thank you all for the continuous love and support y'all are providing.

Stay safe, y'all! <3

Taglist:

@honey-teaaaaaaaa , @tchhairbandhere , @jessiap , @zane2408 , @bananasplits-world , @yellowjacketmurder , @barkbarkbo , @butterflyybabe , @bananafishok , @zestgodtj

Underline won't let me tag the account!

[thewritetofreespeech]

can you also do another in depth nsfw of calling gom's dicks small with aomine 👉🏼👈🏼

tw: rough sex, rough consentual sex, f**** stupid

The remarked stopped him mid rant, as his brain tried to compute what was just said.

It jumble around between anger at what she said, to insecurity that maybe she really did think his dick was small, to just confusion that she’d said it at all. Hadn’t they just been fighting about him not being around enough? Didn’t that mean that she missed his dick (and the rest of him) that she just insulted.

Aomine quickly switched back to anger as his pride was wounded and said, “little! I’ll show you little!” He ‘threatened’ as he wrestled with his basketball shorts to pull his dick out and remind her how big of a man he was.

You whimper into the mattress again as another orgasm shook through you. Barely able to put up much of an exclimation anymore.

Aomine had been fucking you for hours. Driven by spite and his already high sex drive to prove to you that his dick wasn’t small and for you to take what you said back. Only the basketball idiot had taken it too far, like everything else, and you don’t remember much of the arguement now. Hell you couldn’t even remember your name at this point.

“You ready to apologize baby?” He asked. His large hand splayed across your back to feel your whole body twitch under him. A bundle of raw, electrifying nerves at this point too hyper insensed to stop cumming. His hips slowing, but never stopping, into a low roll into your wet abused cunt. “Say your sorry and I’ll forgive you.”

“I....I’m...s-sorry....” You don’t even know what you were saying. All you knew was he told you to say it, and your too brain dead not to obey. All you can think about is Aomine and orgasms and his dick inside you sloshing out cum with each press forward of his cock. If you had the energy, or command of your limbs, he could probably get you jump off a bridge at this point.

“That’s my girl.” Aomine praised with a grin on his lips. The hand on your back moved down to your hips, and you whine when you feel the other one join it and realize he was going to fuck you again. “Let me give you a reward.”

“D-Don’t....” You stuttered out. Your body shaking in what can only be described as a pre-orgasm; the body antipating another orgasm and getting ready to quake at the size of it. “C...Can’t take it anymore....”

“What? You can’t take it anymore?” His voice sounded genuinely sincere and concerned, but his actions said that was a lie as he rolled his hips deeper into you. Making you moan. “You can’t take my dick anymore? This dick that you called ‘little’ a while ago? This ‘little’ dick is too much for you to take?”

“A-Aomine...p-please....” You honestly can’t decide what you were begging him for. To stop or to keep going. You’ve been fucked raw. But his slow deep thrusts were making your pussy ache again for release. In just a few short hours he’d conditioned your body into a state of pure orgasm, and now you were starting to go through withdrawl. “I’ll be good...”

“Yes you will.” The hands at your hips move you back, and based on the movement & sound it looks like you’re fucking him. In reality Aomine was using you like a human fleshlight. Sliding your limp body over his cock towards orgasm while you moan and squealed for more. You’ve officially been fucked stupid. A living sex doll for your boyfriends amusement.

Given the over stimulation of the past few hours, it doesn’t take long for you both to be cumming the last time, and collapse on the bed in a puddle; literally and figureatively. You couldn’t move. Blissed out. If your apartment building caught on fire, you would just have to go into the afterlife knowing you just had the best sex of your life.

“Don’t ever call my dick small again.” Aomine panted beside you after a moment. Spite apparently not fueling him anymore, and his own actions catching up to him.

“I won’t.” You promise. God knows you couldn’t survive another insult like that.

[iloveramensm]

i wish you were mine - deckard shaw

POV: you confess to Deckard after getting jealous and it doesn’t go as planned (This takes place during the Hobbs & Shaw movie)

Part 1 Part 2

The crew needed to stay the night at Madame M’s mansion in order to actually rest before pursuing your mission. Luckily, you all were able to get your own rooms but you all were burning energy by talking and joking around with each other in the living room.

“That's not even true you fuckhead” Hobbs exclaims, laughing and throwing his arm around Hattie. 

“Listen you big-headed rock, I know what I saw” Deckard smiles, taking another sip from his drink.

“Well before I get thrown into the insult battle, I’m gonna take this as my cue to leave” Hattie states, getting up and smiling “Goodnight guys” Luke stumbles up and after her, and I shake my head, smiling to myself

“Goodnight guys,” I say, taking a sip of my drink and looking at the fireplace. Deckard and madame M were sharing a couch, exchanging flirty looks the entire night. I slightly frown as he moves closer to her and I stand up abruptly. 

“I’m gonna go. Night guys” I rush out of the room, not even bothering to wait for a response. As my eyes burn I shut the door and immediately go to my bed, face diving into it and crying.

Me and Deckard Shaw have been flirting and messing around for months, in fact, I think since we’ve met. I, being the lonely bitch I am, developed a crush on him. I, also being the dumb bitch I am, thought he had some pinch of feelings for me but after seeing how flirty and touchy he was with Madame, I knew that wasn’t the case. When I thought about it more, Deckard never really touched me. I mean we'd hug or shake hands every now and then if we were saying bye, but other than that we never purposefully touched each other. I screw my eyes closed, the burning of my eyes and the pain in my chest getting more intense. I grab some tissues and go to the bathroom, cleaning myself up so I could at least try to get some sleep. 

Literally, 4 hours later, 2 am, I’m still wide awake. I tried watching movies, drawing, reading, and everything else I could do and nothing was working. Eventually, I decided to just get a snack and water and maybe head outside. As I walk down to the kitchen, I hear panting coming from Deckard’s room. My face heats up and I quickly keep walking, not letting any more tears fall over this British assassin. 

I walked into the kitchen, grabbed what I needed for a bowl of sherbet, and walked out to the porch. I had grabbed my headphones and phone so I could listen to music or even a crime podcast. As I sit by the pool, I eat my sherbet and look at the stars with thoughts filling my head. All of a sudden, I feel someone shaking my shoulder and I jump, whipping around to see a shirtless Deckard.

“Deckard? What did something happen? Where's Luke?” I ask, panicked and placing my bowl down, bending down to put on my shoes

“No it's ok love nothing happened I was just checking on you, I noticed you out here and just wanted you to be safe,” He says, rubbing my back. I take a deep breath and look at him. 

“Oh, um ok sorry for freaking out I just thought- yeah” I laugh nervously, sitting back down. Deckard sits next to me in silence and I fidget with my fingers, wishing he'd say something.

“Couldn't sleep?”

“No, not really, I don't know why it’s like I’m tired but I can't sleep”

“Anything been plaguing that beautiful brain of yours?”

I scoff “nope” My face burns as I remember he just had sex with madame and I feel my eyes burning again. I finish my sherbet quickly and stand up

“Y/N-”

“I'm going to go,” I say, slipping on my shoes and heading towards the sliding door.

“Y/N wait!-” An arm grabs me and I look at Deckard, frustrated.

“What Deckard?”

“Somethings wrong and I think I did something but i-i don’t know what I did and I want to fix it so please talk to me love” he says, looking into my eyes and furrowing his brow.

“Please stop calling me that” I whisper

“What? What is it just talk to me sweets”

“Don’t call me love, or sweets, just fuck off” 

“No” he grunts, getting angry “we are talking about this right fucking now Y/N”

“I fucking like you, Deckard! Are you fucking happy now? Every since we’ve met ive liked you and I thought you I don’t know, saw me more than a friend, and obviously you don’t so yeah I’m a little upset but ill get over it. I didn’t even want to tell you this shit” I say, shoving off of him

“Y/N…i-” he takes a step back, some unknown emotion filling his eyes.

“Just drop it, Deckard, please” I walk into the mansion, rinsing my bowl off and going back to my room where finally, after confessing my dumbass feelings to that dumbass assassin, I’m able to sleep.

--

ill be dropping a part 2 soon even if no one wants one LMFAOO

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

[linkspooky]

Yuji, Alone. 

I have been saying in my past few meta that Yuji has a really unhealthy way of viewing both himself, and his relationships with others. Yuji is excellent at reading the feelings of others and empathizing with them, and at the same time terrible at processing his own emotions, a trait he shares with Geto who he is once again paralleling this chapter by choosing to stew in isolation rather than reach out for support. 

Chapter 138 does an excellent job of showing how deep these issues run, which I will explain under the cut. 

1. Yuji and Geto

If I were to explain the unhealthy mindset Yuji has by simplifying it down to one sentenence, simply stated it would be “I want to help others, but I don’t want to accept help from other people.” 

Both Yuji and Geto are so motivated by empathy they feel like they are responsible for solving other people’s problems, and they often use other people rather than themselves as a reason to move. They’re actually selfless to a fault. In that, it’s a problem in their behavior. They do everything they do for other peope, so they have no idea what they themselves want. If Gojo is someone who has a strong self image, a strong set of beliefs, an idea of what he wants to do to the world, Geto and Yuji are people who try not to think about themselves at all. 

Not only does Yuji almost never critically exam his own motivations, but he also doesn’t think of his relationships with other people. 

This is something Yaga pointed out as a danger with Yuji’s way of going about things, all the way at the beginning of his arc. If you’re doing it because your grandpa told you so, then is it really something you want to do? When you die, is it going to be your grandpa’s fault too?

Yuji is someone who seems selfless on the surface, and to an extent he is, but just like Geto that’s not all there is to him. It’s something Gojo called out early on, Geto presented himself as someone selfless, motivated entirely by using his powers to protect others, but he was also doing so self righteously. 

To clarify what I mean by self righteous, Geto believed that he was doing something because it was the objective right thing to do, but actually it was just his own personal feelings. That’s why after Riko’s death forced him to critically examine himself, he realized he didn’t want to follow the rules of Jujutsu Society. 

Both Yuji and Geto pay attention to others, but also have the blinders on in regards to themselves, and that’s the parallel right there. Yuji says he is doing these things for other people, that his number one priority is to save them but that motivation is even deconstructed in the third chapter.

Yuji’s not actually doing this for purely altruistic reasons, but for selfish ones. He wanted to do something that nobody else could do. Yuji’s life was like a vaccuum before this point. He didn’t have any real friends, or anything he wanted to do. Suddenly he had a purpose basically gift wrapped and handed to him on his lap. 

Basically, Yuji and Geto both have this schewed way of seeing other people. They thing other people exist to validate their own existences. 

To put it simply. If Hidden Inventory Geto helps weak people than he’s valid. If Yuji helps people, then he’s valid. 

Not only is the way they view themselves built around how they help other people, but at the same time all of their relationships are built up on this as well. Relationships that are built upon shaky foundations will crumble apart easily when tested. 

Geto’s most important relationship was with Gojo, they had an intense chemistry and interaction with one another like they were made for each other. They were both good at naturally balancing each other out, Geto was the one who stood up to Gojo and acted like a tether, and Gojo ackonwledged Geto as his one and only. 

However, the relationship was also built on the idea that Gojo needed Geto. Geto was only able to view his relationships with other people in that way. Geto, wants to take care of people, wants to help people. However, eventually, he was left behind by Gojo who no longer needed him as a partner in combat. On top of that, Geto awoke to a higher purpose in ridding the world of cursed energy. Geto wants to be needed by somebody in the same sense that Yuji does, so for Geto at least being needed to save the whole world in his eyes, was just more important than maintaining his relationship with Gojo. 

Which is why both Geto and Yuji’s relationships fall apart. They are great at making relationshisps, but not at maintaining them. Attention is drawn to the fact that the trio has great chemistry with each other and get along well, but they’re also terrible at communicating with each other. 

"The seats... in my life... How should I put this? I don't want my heart to be affected by people who don't have a place there. Does that sound cold? Well, I guess there are also guys like you who brings their own chair and takes a seat." Translation by Miho.

Almost literally, I don’t want anyone who’s not a part of my life to try to talk to me or tell me what to do. Also the reference that Yuji is kind of different because Yuji just kind of walked into her life unannounced and invited himself there (this is how Yuji forms relationships with everyone.)

All three of them go behind each other’s backs and keep secrets from one another. All three of them avoid direct confrontation, Nobara even says she doesn’t really want anyone else even trying to tell her how to live her life. The Origin of Obedience arc shows that Nobara, Yuji and Megumi are all good at fighting together as a team, but also questioning if they have a healthy friendship outside of that?

Any relationship takes work, confrontation, arguments and even just plain old talking about things. However, someone who is primarily insecure in their relationships will not be able to do things.  Couples shouldn’t only argue, but couples who never argue is just as unhealthy. If you are so afraid that one argument is going to end a relationship, then your relationship was fragile to begin with. 

Yuji and Geto experience conditional relatinoships. In the sense that, they are only allowed to have friends, if they are helpful to those friends. They themselves are never allowed to ask for help. It’s true that Gojo was kind of blind to Geto’s faults, but also Geto would have never asked for help. Gojo could not see, and Geto deliberately hid things from them. 

Geto always makes his relationships on the condition that he is needed. When Gojo grew more independent, Geto took that as a sign that Gojo didn’t need him anymore and deliberately started to pull away.

Because, Geto isn’t ever allowed to be the one who needs someone else. 

2. Avoidant Attachment

This is just a personal theory of mine, but I think Yuji’s issues might even center around the psychological idea of attachment theory. Especially it’s since deliberately mentioned to Junpei, that Yuji never met his mother. 

Attachment theory is a complex idea, but basically it states that attachment to other people, that is the idea to form healthy relationships with family members, friends, romantic partners is learned instead of naturally present in us. It’s a skill people develop in their formative years. 

Those who show patterns of problematic attachment in childhood will continue the behavior into adulthood unless it’s corrected, because attachment is a skill that’s developed the same as anything else. Of the four categories, Yuji and Geto most resemble this one. 

Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. This attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Which goes further to explain how they can be so empathic towards other people, and yet the same time completely unable to maintain close relationships with them. It’s because, they avoid people at the same time. They don’t seek out help when they need it, because, deep down they view themselves as unworthy of the help. 

Geto did not immediately break after the trauma of losing Riko, it was the year of isolation after that where he slowly was consumed by his regrets. Geto got worse and worse over a period of time because he couldn’t handle his trauma in any healthy way, until he just completely snapped. 

During that time he asked himself the same questions over and over again, but Geto wasn’t able to find any kind of healthy answer to his questions because, he didn’t reach out for anybody. It wasn’t just the trauma, it was the behavior after the trauma, the decision to isolate himself for over a year. No one does well in isolation. You need other people to grow or develop. If anything Geto stagnated. Geto’s central flaw was his self-righteousness. Rather than realizing he was wrong and trying to change this flaw of his, he just doubles down and becomes even more self righteous. He goes from believing he’s responsible for protecting all the weak people, to believing he’s a superior being tasked with eliminating all the weak people in the world. So, it’s not really that Geto changed, moreso that he stagnated because he cut off all his relationships with other people. 

And isn’t Yuji doing the exact same thing right now? Yaga even points out this similaritiy between Geto and Yuji, that they try to carry every regret and burden they have on their own. 

It’s not out of selflessness that they do this though, but rather insecurity. Geto didn’t come to Gojo with his problems, because he wanted to be the strongest alongside Gojo he didn’t want to be weak. He was deliberately avoiding Gojo. 

I think it’s important to establish that Yuji wasn’t abandoned by his friends this chapter. Yuji is alone, because he chose to be alone. He’s alone because he’s avoiding both of his friends, because he’s so, so afraid the friendship will end because it’s based entirely on the condition that he be a helpful, good person.

It’s true that Yuji is genuinely worried about his friends getting hurt because of him, but look at his choices. He’s not really tackling the problem in a healthy way. He’s doing everything he can to avoid the problem, isolating himself, and just trying not to think about things. He could try to talk with Megumi and find a solution, but he’s not doing that because he’s insecure in his attachment to others. 

I think his reaction to Choso pretty clearly illustrates this too. Yuji isn’t around his friends because he doesn’t want to be around them. Which is tragic, because Yuji is holding himself responsible for the mass murder which isn’t really his fault. However, Yuji saw his relationship with both Nobara and Megumi as conditional to begin with. He can only be friends with people he can help, and he can never receive help from them. It’s unhealthy to start with because relationships go both ways. Yuji is also, completely unresponsive to Choso.

Yes. Choso suddenly walking to him and delcaring them brothers is really weird.  I don’t expect Yuji to just suddenly start getting along with him right away.

At the same time, Choso explains what the unconditional love between family is between Yuji, and Yuji just doesn’t get it, because he either hasn’t experienced enough of it, or his grandpa the only person that ever unconditionally loved him is gone. Yuji can’t understand Megumi’s love for him is unconditional,. because from the beginning he sees all relationships as conditional. 

Yuji and Choso are facing opposite direcitons because they’re opposites. Choso is willing to hurt complete strangers too, but his love for his family is unconditional and he will do anything for them. Yuji will help complete strangers, but, he doesn’t really understand unconditional love, and even his love with his closest friends has a few conditions. 

Which is why someone who appears on the surface as such a friendly guy who makes friends everywhere he goes, can call himself “a loner” because in Yuji’s mind he is. He doesn’t have friends, he has people who need him. 

Which is just incredibly sad because Yuji doesn’t understand this. Yuji isolates himself thinking he’s doing it for the sake of his friends, but neither Megumi nor Nobara would want him to be alone. 

[astrologicalsstuff]

My weird almost poly experience explained through astrology???

Needless to say this post is 18+

I’m going to do a post about me and the girls relationship first because I met her first and I think that’s important to the story:

Check out my second post if you don’t care<3

Coming soon

Okay so some background… me and this girl I met at a club one day really started hanging out after meeting once and we became really close. I never really wanted to be friends with her that much but I don’t know I am not about judging people upon first glance but I really should just stick to my gut because I’m always right, anyway we started hanging out a lot.

Here’s our synastry, we were only friends at first:

Overall we had a lot of trines and that was beneficial we worked well together but it wasn’t really in a good way…

Her sun and Mercury fall in my 9th house and we went on a lot of adventures together, literally always traveled to different cities upward of 2 hour commute. We lived really far from each other too so we always had to stay at someone else’s house. We also had lots of conversations where I felt like I was teaching her a lot. 9th house rules travel and philosophy I noticed she also tried a lot of things for the first time with me. She had never gone to hot-springs, been on a hike tried drugs etc… Basically I was a brand new experience for her. She even said the second time we hangout that “I put things into perspective”. She was very sheltered and didn’t do things.

Her mars and Venus in my 7th. It was a very dynamic relationship she really tried hard to make the relationship work. Mars (her drive) was toward the relationship, she always drove to see me and so what I wanted to do. She loved hanging out and always said that we made a good team. I don’t know for me it felt like she did a lot to make up for I was the only one coming up with things to do and other people to hangout with.

Both of our plutos fall in her 11th house, which is less significant for me than it is for her, she has power struggles with society, friendships, and social structures. So whenever we hungout in groups it was always a competition for some reason. We actually became closer because I knew one of the people in her last friend group which she was having problems with. With all her Scorpio energy she really wanted to be in friend circles. But it’s also opposite her Saturn in the 5th house and so she also had restriction on fun and creative expression generally she had a hard time letting loose and with this specific combination that resulted in her being overall tense. But she would always hangout with older men which I think helped because their Saturns would not be in her 5th house so she would be able to have fun with them. She always said it was because they were “more mature” but I think she picked really immature older guys. She was always comparing herself to everyone too. She was SO INSECURE it would so random but she’d always say things like “but I’m more unique than you” like it as a competition. And on top of that she copied me with EVERYTHING she changed so much of herself in this friendship. Also natally she is ruled by that Saturn in the 5th so a big part of her life is going to be that restriction on fun she faces and insecurity in self expression.

These graphs are in whole sign but in other charts my Venus and moon fall in her 8th house which definitely came with some obsession!! Moon in the 8th means my feelings kinda brought out her taboo and her deepest feelings. And my Venus there I really liked her intensity… for a bit. But it got old really fast and I could tell she wasn’t communicating and she started just acting really weird. She went from ghosting me to practically showing up at my door and forcing herself in my life. Also 8th house synastry there was ALWAYS A SEXUAL TENSION IN THE AIR, and I WAS NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO HER. I am very moon dominant and my chart ruler is Venus so I tend to guide my synastry based on that a lot. I definitely brought a lot of change to her life she kept saying that but it was way too intense and I just felt like it was toxic in every way so I had to leave.

🤞🤞Taurus rising and Capricorn rising🤞🤞

This dynamic was everything!! I am a Taurus rising passenger seat princess👸 food loving 🎂🍰🍕fashion girl 👗I love art 🎨and taking care of myself. And she was a hard worker who struggled with relaxing and I could help her relax. She had problems eating but I kept her eating. I showed her music and and how to really take care of herself and she funded it🫣.

Composite tease:

[skyeet-the-writer]

The Love Among Us

Chapter 1-- I’d Never Snitch On Daddy

so i haven’t seen many corpse husband x reader stories on here, so i decided to upload one myself. i’ve been watching jacksepticeye’s among us videos and when i heard corpse talk for the first time, i was like, “hol up” and now i’ve been obsessed with him. also, go stream his music on spotify, it’s amazing. enjoy! x. 

 corpse husband x female!reader

summary: while playing among us, y/n watches corpse kill felix in o2. when his body is reported, however, she doesn’t tell who killed him. 

 word count: ~3.6k

warnings: swearing, mentions of death (not real death), mentions of murder (not real murder)

EDIT: before i wrote this and after i published it, i did not know that corpse did not like to be referred to as “daddy”. had i known this, i would have not even thought of posting this. and since i know now, i won’t refer to him as such in the future. thank you. (10/19/2020)

EDIT 2: this is the first part to my corpse x reader series. i will be adding chapters as we go!

next>

4 rounds before the incident

“I was in coms with PJ!” Sean exclaims. 

“He is doing the liar voice!” Felix shouts with a laugh. 

“I’m not,” Sean tries to say, but everyone talks over him and the voting time ends. Everyone left alive, though it was only four people, had all voted for him and he yells at them as he gets ejected. 

stinky was not the imposter

2 imposters remain

The round ends and everyone unmutes themselves. 

“Lizzie, you saw Felix kill me and you did nothing!” Roomie yells as soon as the round ends and the imposters are revealed. 

“Yeah, because I was the other imposter.”

“Oh. Okay, well that makes sense.”

Everyone laughs and Ken starts the round again. 

“Wait, can I invite y/n to play? She’s doing her twenty-four-hour stream and she just finished playing Monopoly with Mark, Bob, and Wade,” says Lizzie, looking down at her phone as they all appear back in the waiting room. 

“Yes,” Corpse blurts out and there are a few laughs and chuckles. 

“You were quick to answer, Corpse,” Sean teases. 

“Shut up,” Corpse mumbles and there are even more laughs. 

Lizzie smiles and taps into her phone. “I’m gonna invite her.”

~

“I can’t believe that you actually made that deal, y/n,” Wade is telling you after ending the second round of Monopoly that you’ve played with them. 

You smile and cross your legs on your chair. “Look, I was going bankrupt and it seemed good at the time. Besides, Mark was going to win anyway, he owned half of the board.” Your phone buzzes beside you on your desk and you pick it up. “Lizzie texted me.” There’s a sound effect that plays in your headset and you look up at your screen and smile. “Thanks to _lorieplays _for donating a hundred dollars, that means a lot. Thank you so much.”

“Do you want to play another round?” Marks asks. 

You shake your head, reading the text from your friend in England. “No, I don’t want to lose to you again.” You laugh. “Nah, Lizzie wants me to play Among Us with her and a few others. It was fun playing with you guys.”

“It was even though you took all of my money,” Bob snaps. 

You laugh. “Yeah, yeah. See you guys later.”

“Bye,” says Mark.

“See y--” Wade begins but you cut him off when you disconnect from the call. 

“Oops.” You put a hand over your mouth and laugh. “Sorry, Wade. Okay.” You straighten up and glance over everything, making sure it’s all working properly. “I have to pee and I think my roommate ordered pizza, so we’ll be back after this short break. Enjoy this live feed of my pet rats.” You giggle and switch the stream over to a view of your two rats in their cage where you have a camera set up. You take your headset off and head out of your recording room. 

Every two months, you have a twenty-four-hour livestream where you play games with your friends from all around the world. Despite being only twenty-five, your Youtube channel had grown exponentially in the past three years and you’ve had the chance to meet lots of other Youtubers like Markiplier, PewDiePie, and your close friend, LDShadowLady. 

Currently, you’re on hour twenty of twenty-four and you’re beginning to feel the effects of not sleeping for a whole day. You had been drinking coffee and energy drinks for the past four hours and that seemed to perk you up for two hours max. But your roommate had ordered pizza and that would hopefully wake you up. 

After going to the bathroom and grabbing an entire box of pizza, you return to your recording room and sit down. You put your headset back on and eat a slice of pizza before switching the views back to you. “And we’re back. I hope you guys enjoyed my rats because I don’t. They keep me up at night.”

You read a comment while loading up Among Us and laugh. “No, they’re not dead. They’re sleeping. They do that a lot when they’re not fighting.” 

When you finally get into the game and entire the code, you spawn in. You also quickly join the Discord chat and wince when nearly ten voices hit you at once. 

“y/n!” exclaims Lizzie and the other voices die down for a moment before rising to greet you. 

You wince again but laugh. “Jesus, you guys are loud. Hey, Lizzie.” You move your character to the customize tab and go to try and switch your color. But then you frown and realize that you’re stuck with being dark blue. “Damn, I wanted to be white.”

“Do you want to switch?” Corpse asks. 

Your eyes widen you your stomach flips. You hadn’t noticed Corpse was in this game. Immediately, your chat became flooded with keyboard smashing and lots of “omg my shipp” and “y/n rlly said ‘anna oop-’” 

“Uh, yeah, if you don’t mind,” you manage to stutter out and take a bite of pizza as Corpse’s player comes over and the white option becomes available. You select it and also select the goggles in the hats menu. 

“How’s your stream going?” asks Sean. 

You shrug. “Pretty good. I’m super tired, though. I literally almost fell asleep while playing Monopoly with Mark, Wade, and Bob.”

“You went to college, right?” You’re pretty sure that’s Roomie. 

“Yep,” you affirm with a nod even though they can’t see you. “You’d think that those all-nighters writing papers and studying for finals would make me able to do this.”

There’s a laugh in the group and the round starts.

3 rounds before the incident

You scratch your eyebrow and sigh in relief when you’re the crewmate. You mute yourself and slide up in your chair. 

“I like being the crewmate,” you say, heading towards admin as a habit. “It’s a lot less stressful than being imposter.”

After doing your tasks in admin and fueling the engines, you stumble across a dead body in the lower engine and a vent closing. 

“Oh,” you say, and press the report button. You unmute yourself and begin with, “So I saw a vent close but I didn’t see who went in.”

“Who died?” asks Lizzie. 

“Felix,” says Sean. 

You smirk. “It’s always yellow that dies first.”

“Where was the body?” Ken asks. 

“Lower engine,” you reply. 

“I was in medbay with Corpse doing the scan so it wasn’t him,” PJ says and Corpse makes a noise of confirmation. 

This makes your cheeks heat up and you smack a hand over your mouth. Your chat explodes again but you decide to ignore it. 

“And I was doing wires in cafeteria,” Lizzie says. 

“Sean, where were you?” 

“I was in reactor doing the simon says thing,” he answers. 

You sigh. “I hate that one. What about you, Ken?”

“I was with Roomie in electrical doing the power thing. You know, the one where you have to divert it somewhere else.”

“So do we skip then?” asks Lizzie. 

“No one is super sus, so I’m going to skip,” you answer. 

When no one is ejected, you mute yourself again. “I dunno why, but Sean seems pretty sus. Because I didn’t see him on the way down from upper engine. But I guess he could have gotten there in time.” You shrug and run over to the trash chute in the cafeteria. “RIP to Felix, though.”

After doing the trash there, you head down to storage, running into Corpse doing the wires in there. You wait there to clear him and once you do, you run a few circles around him to get his attention and he follows you over to the trash in storage and watches you do that. After that, the two of you head over to electric together and do wires there. 

Suddenly, there’s a body reported and you unmute yourself. 

“Sean just killed Lizzie in front of me!” exclaims PJ. 

“PJ killed Lizzie,” Sean retorts, flipping the blame. “I watched it, he didn’t realize I was there and murdered her.”

“I watched PJ do the scan in medbay, he’s cleared,” Corpse says and you find yourself smiling for no reason. “Sean, you killed Lizzie.”

“I knew he was sus,” you say, grabbing another piece of pizza. You look at the box and your eyes widen. Had you really already eaten half of it?

“Wait wait, how am I sus?” Sean asks. 

You take a moment to swallow. “Because when I was doing fuel earlier, I was running down from upper engine and didn’t see you in reactor. Sure, maybe you could have gotten there earlier, but it was super weird.” 

The discussion time ends and PJ immediately goes to vote for Sean as well as you, Corpse, and everyone else still alive. Sean ends up getting ejected. 

stinky was an imposter 

1 imposter remains

“You’re such a detective, y/n,” Sean says when he gets ejected. 

You laugh. “I just play this game too much.” You then mute yourself and smile. “I am a genius.” 

You end up finishing your tasks quickly after that and then stand in the cafeteria and eat another piece of pizza and read some of the chat. 

“’ What am I going to do after this?’ I don’t know. I might play some Minecraft. Should I have a poll on Twitter? I’m stuck between public Among Us games, Minecraft, and taking random quizzes on Buzzfeed.” You smile and hear another sound effect and something pops up on the screen. “Thank you to coochie man for donating a hundred dollars, that means a lot.” You laugh at their name. “I love your name, by the way.” 

There’s some rattling in the cage behind you and you turn around to see one of your rats drinking water. You turn back to the chat and read another comment. “’ Do you have a crush on Corpse?’” You blush and smile, biting your lip. “I mean, his voice is hot. I’ve never met him since he lives in San Diego and I live in h/t, but yeah, I guess I do. I’ve been listening to his music for the past few days and it’s really good, you guys should go check it out.”

You look up and unmute yourself when a body is reported. “Who died?” you ask. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Are you already done with your tasks, y/n?” Corpse asks. 

God, even the way he says your name is making you blush. “Yeah, I get them done quick.”

“She does that,” says Lizzie, “She always gets her tasks done quick.”

“Ken is dead by the way,” says Roomie and your snort, smacking a hand over your mouth. “I found him in the hallway by navigation. Where was everyone else?”

“I was in cafeteria doing nothing,” you say, leaning back in your chair and spinning around just a little. “I think I saw PJ downloading while I was in there, but I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Yeah, I was downloading,” says Ken. 

After more discussion, Corpse points out that Jaiden had been following him and it looked like she had been faking tasks. 

“No I haven’t,” she says. 

“That sounds like something the imposter would say,” you hum with a smirk. “That’s pretty sus, Jaiden.”

Everyone else agrees and you all end up voting Jaiden out. 

jaiden was the imposter

0 imposters remain

You cheer as the round ends and a blue victory screen pops up for the crewmates. “Good game, guys,” you say and play again, waiting for the host. 

~

1 round before the incident 

“Oh my god, I’m imposter again?” you groan and sigh when you spawn back in. “I was just imposter, I don’t want to be it again. I’m so bad at it,”

After another short round of you and Felix losing to the crewmates, you all agreed to play two more rounds before Sean had to leave. So you move your character to admin where PJ is and fake the card swipe before moving over to the admin security thing where you could see who was around where. Luckily, no one appeared to be near admin, so you quickly kill PJ and escape through the vent and come out through medbay. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” you whisper over and over, running down to storage. “That was clean.” You fake getting fuel and go back up to the upper engine. 

When PJ’s body is reported, you see that your fellow imposter, Sean, had reported it. You stay silent for most of the round and only say that you were in the fuel area when it was reported. 

“Yeah, I saw her run past electrical earlier,” Corpse says. You blush and glance at your exploding chat and shake your head. 

After everyone skips the round, you mute yourself once more and head towards navigation. “I hate this.” You drag the last syllable and watch Lizzie enter the room. You wait a moment before walking towards her and killing her, jumping into one of the vents. You let out a sigh and flex your fingers. “I’m so stressed.” You exit out of the vent into shields and your heart stops when you see someone else in there but you realize that it’s the other imposter, Sean, and you relax. 

You run past him and go to the trash compartments and pretend to unload those. And that’s how the rest of the round goes. You kill someone, someone reports it and you vote someone off. Eventually, you and Sean do a double kill and end up winning the round.

You unmute yourself. 

“Let’s go!” Sean exclaims and you smile. 

“I can’t believe you killed me, y/n!” shouts Lizzie. “I thought we were friends.”

You laugh. “There are no friends in this game. I’m not loyal to anyone in this game. You could be my best friend and I would fucking murder you.”

“That’s cold,” says Roomie as everyone else spawns back in. 

“Yeah,” you nod. 

“Wait, PJ disconnected,” says Sean, and you all end up waiting for him to rejoin. 

In that time, you look at your chat and say, “Hey, do you guys have any questions for who I’m playing with. I’m asking you, chat.”

“I swear if someone asks about my hands, I’m leaving,” Corpse says and everyone laughs. 

You laugh louder when you read a comment and read it aloud, “_Ironlady _says that you should be a hand model, Corpse.”

“Okay, I’m leaving,” you hear Corpse say over everyone laughing. 

“No, stay!” you exclaim, trying not to laugh. “C’mon, don’t leave.”

He sighs deeply and your brain goes fuzzy. “Fine. I’ll stay for you.”

You beam and your tummy turns. You ignore the whistles and remarks from everyone else and stand beside Corpse. You suddenly wish that the little bean characters could hold hands. 

When PJ joins the server again, Ken starts the round and you cross your fingers, hoping to get crewmate. 

0 rounds before the incident

You mute yourself and sigh when you’re a crewmate. “Thank god.” You let out a breath and go over to admin with everyone else. You swipe your card and go to the cafeteria to do some wires there. 

The game turns out to be rather uneventful. A few people die and two people are voted off before the game gets truly interesting. And that happens when you walk in on Corpse and Felix. 

“I’ve had this song stuck in my head for days,” you’re saying, walking from electrical over to O2. “And I can’t get it out of my head. Maybe singing it will help.” You hum the first part. “Don't go in there, you'll become one. Freaky creatures, monster party. Eyes of yellow, scales and feathers, tails in tethers. Turn the lights off. Bend the nightmare, you control it. Artful dodger, easy does it. Shut the closet, get under the covers. Snakes and lovers. Turn the lights off.” You do a little dance for a moment and continue hum the song, glancing at the chat as you go towards O2 after doing wires in storage. 

“Like, I know the song, it’s just been stuck in my head,” you explain. “And it kind of annoys me--”

But you stop as you enter O2 and watch Corpse murder Felix. Neither one of you move and you don’t know what to do. “Uhhh.” 

Then, without thinking, you turn straight around and make your way away from the scene of the murder. “I didn’t see anything!” you shout to no one. “I suddenly can’t see who murdered Felix.” You smack a hand over your mouth and stand in the middle of a hallway. “Oh my god, what do I do? I don’t want to snitch on Corpse, he’s hot.” You scratch the back of your neck and shrug, continuing on to reactor. “I didn’t see anything.”

You’re in the middle of doing the simon says in reactor when Felix’s body is reported. You unmute yourself and fidget with the sleeve of your hoodie. You know exactly who killed Felix. 

“--was in O2,” says Jaiden and you focus back into the conversation. “And I didn’t see anyone around.”

“I saw you heading that way, y/n, but I know it wasn’t you because I saw you do the trash in storage.”

You look at the screen when Sean talks to you and you chew your lip. “I know who killed Felix.”

“Who?” asks almost everyone at the same time. 

You close your eyes and swallow. It’s just a game, why are you taking this so seriously? Suddenly, a song lyric pops into your head and your stomach flips. You imagine yourself saying it and no one knows who you mean except for him. 

You open your eyes. “I’d never snitch on daddy.”

There’s a laugh in the chat and you blush fiercely, your livestream chat blowing up once again.

“I think we know who it is, then,” says Sean, laughing. 

“Yeah,” agrees Lizzie and your eyes widen. 

“Wait, what?” you ask, watching everyone vote almost as soon as the discussion time ends. “Wait, hang on, who--”

“We know who you’re talking about, y/n,” PJ tells you. 

You vote for yourself and your brain goes blank as you see that everyone voted for Corpse. He even voted for himself. They knew. They all _knew _about your feelings for Corpse. 

The round ends with Corpse being voted out and the crewmates win. There’s some talking, but you stay on the victory screen. You’re trying to decide if your mad or embarrassed or both. 

“I didn’t know you’d say that, y/n,” Corpse says, effectively breaking you out of your trance. “I thought you were gonna snitch on me.”

“You heard her,” teases Lizzie and you can tell she’s grinning. “She’d never snitch on you, Corpse.”

He laughs and you feel something in a certain place. “Oh my god, I’m gonna die of embarrassment.” You put your face in your hands, listening to your friends tease you in the chat. You suddenly want to jump out your window and run into traffic. 

“Don’t die,” comes Corpse’s voice through the onslaught of teasing. “I’ll be sad.”

“Fuck!” you shout and slam your hand on your desk, shaking your equipment and scaring your rats. “I’m so sorry, Corpse, that was really weird, I--”

“Stop.” He interrupts you and the chat goes silent and you look up at the screen even though you can’t see him. “It’s okay. It was funny.”

Your eyes widen and then narrow. Funny? He thought what you said was funny? How could he think it was funny?

But then he speaks again and he sounds oddly flustered. “Uh, I gotta go. Um, it was fun playing with you guys. Bye, y/n.”

“Bye Cor--” but then he disconnects and you’re left talking to no one. “--pse.”

There’s a long moment of silence until Felix breaks it. “I can’t believe you just watched me die and didn’t do anything about it.”

There are some laughs and you smile faintly, rejoining the game. “Yeah, uh, sorry about that.”

“Are you okay, y/n?” asks Lizzie. 

You blush and swallow. “I don’t know. God, I’m so weird.” You run a hand through your hair and adjust your headphones

“No, you’re not,” Roomie assures you. “He has a crush on you, too.”

Your eyes widen and you scoot up in your chair. “He does?”

“I mean, he called you pretty once during a game and said that he watches your videos a lot, so maybe.”

You groan and sink in your chair. “I’m gonna go, I need to run into traffic now.”

A few people laugh or chuckle and Lizzie asks you if you’re actually going to leave. 

“Yeah,” you tell her. “But not to run into traffic. I’m going to go play Minecraft to soothe myself.”

“Aw.” You can practically hear her frown. “Okay. Bye, y/n.”

“Good luck with your stream,” Ken tells you. 

You grin. “Okay, thanks, bye.”

When you exit the game and leave the chat, you scream. You actually scream and it’s loud. Your roommate even knocks on your door, asking if you’re okay. 

You look at them and nod. “Yeah, totally fine. Probably about to have a mental breakdown, but I’m fine.”

“Okay,” they say and lean on the doorframe. “But I’m not cutting bangs for you again.”

You laugh and nod. “Yeah, okay, fine.” They leave and you turn back to your stream, feeling like you’re about to cry. Corpse knows you have a crush on him. And it seems like he has one on you as well, but now you’re embarrassed because you called him ‘daddy’ on stream.

You rub your eyes. “Well, now I know what’ll be streaming on Twitter tonight,” you tell the chat. 

[broadstbroskis]

no better company than you | nathan mackinnon

a/n: alright, i’m rolling in late for @antoineroussel oussel summer exchange (thank you love, for running such a lovely exchange again, it was wonderful and i’m glad i was able to particiapte) and i’m very sorry for the lateness! i had the pleasure of writing for the lovely @ghstandpucks​ 💜 again, i am SO sorry about the wait but i hope you enjoy this! 

word count: 3.2k

-----

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I’m late!” You slide into the booth and throw your bag down next to you, hoping to god you don’t look as frazzled as you feel; this restaurant is far too nice.

Nate just smiles at your words, too familiar with your family by now to know that you’re always running 5-10 minutes behind. He’s ordered a bottle of wine- a nice rosé, fitting for the beautiful end of summer day- and had already started pouring a matching glass for you the second you started sitting down. “How’d the interview go?”

You bite your lip. “Eh.” 

“I’m sure it went better than you think.” Nate says encouragingly. “You’re too hard on yourself. All three of you are.”

And well, that’s not a lie. Your siblings were just as critical of themselves as you were. Sid was famously known for it and Taylor, your twin, was as bad as you. But…

“Listen to you!” You laugh at him. Nate’s just as bad as the three of you. A mini-Sid in many ways, to many people in your hometown.

But that was in Canada. This was Denver. And here, Nate was cool. Laid-back. Lowkey. Everything a professional athlete should be. Nobody knew about what a dork he really was, except his teammates.

And now, maybe you too, if all went well with this job interview.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nate says, looking at his menu to feign ignorance.

You giggle, pulling your own up toward your face. “Sure, buddy.”

It’s not often that you and Nate spend time one on one like this, even if you see him all the time over the summer. He’s usually with your brother when you see him, politely trying to decline your mom’s invites to dinner or already hanging at Sid’s house when you invite yourself over to your brother’s house for pool or lake time. Usually time one on one with Nate like this is brief, usually like in passing while he’s waiting for Sid in the kitchen while you’re eating.

It’s nice. Nate’s funnier than people give him credit for and it’s easy to relax into dinner and conversation, to forget about the anxiety from your interview as you chat about what’s new for both of you and gossip about people you both know.

By the time he drops you off at your hotel, it’s late and you’re too tired (and maybe just on the right side of tipsy) to even worry about the interview. You just barely change into pajamas, run through your nightly routine, and climb into bed, before shutting the lights off. It feels like you’re asleep before your head even hits the pillow. 

In the morning, you’re awoken by the sound of your phone ringing, and it takes a second for you to place the sound, but when you do you pounce on it, recognizing the local area code immediately. “Good morning.” You say, trying your hardest not to sound like you woke up literally thirty seconds ago.

It’s human resources, from the job you interviewed for yesterday.

You got it.

-----

“Ew, no!” Your dad holds his hands up innocently, when you rush over to stop him from unpacking a box. “Why would you put that there?”

“Hey, sweetie, maybe it’s time for a break.” Your mom says gently, exchanging a look with your dad, who nods his agreement enthusiastically.

Which is fair. You’d just about almost taken his fingers off just because you didn’t like where he was unpacking colanders. 

“Dinner!’” Your dad latches onto immediately. “Nate offered to take us all out tonight, I’ll let him know we’re ready.”

“Ready?” You frown, looking down at your workout shorts and baggy t-shirt.

“We’ll be ready in an hour.” He amends, already texting Nate.

Nate knocks on the door to the new condo you’re renting an hour and fifteen minutes later, sheepishly grinning when your dad tells him that you and your mom still need a few minutes. “Thought I had my timing perfect.”

Your dad snorts. “Oh buddy. Keep dreaming.”

He’s not too off on his timing, but unfortunately for Nate, you don’t have too much else going for you in your condo yet. Your dad had gotten your TV all set up, but in addition to the TV and living room furniture, you haven’t gotten much else, and that includes food and beverages. So the two of them sit in mostly silence while they wait another few minutes for you and your mom to finish getting ready. 

“I told you that you should have just met us there.” You tell Nate, as he trips on a box on his way out the door.

“Oh, so this wasn’t deliberate sabotage?” He deadpans.

“You caught me. Just trying to keep you around the city full time until I have time to make better friends.”

Nate laughs, as the two of you follow your parents out the door. “Be nicer to me or I won’t introduce you to my friends.”

“Who said I want to be friends with your friends?”

“Children.” Your mom turns to look back at you and Nate smiles at her innocently, but it’s been a while since that’s fooled her. “Do we need to stay home?”

It serves to get the two of you moving, even as you laugh at her joke. Nate drives you to another one of his favorite restaurants, and dinner flies by, with Nate insisting on picking up the tab, even when your dad tries to fight him on it. 

It’s started to cool down a little by the time you’re walking back toward the car, Nate and your dad still fake-fighting about paying for dinner, and you find yourself not realizing you’re smiling at the two of them as you walk behind them until your mom bumps your shoulder. “A few hours off for dinner with some good company was just what you needed.” She says.

And even though the smile on her face seems too knowing, you’re too tired to ask about it right now, so you just nod in agreement. “Yeah, this was nice.” You smile back at her.

-----

Mel Landeskog pokes her head around the corner and you wave at her, trying to catch her attention. “Jesus Christ.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t think he was serious.”

“I mean.” You bite your lip. “I did have to work today.”

“I would have picked you up!” She shakes her head, muttering under her breath, and you know Nate’s going to get an earful from her later. “But no, no. That dumbass just let you come all the way over here by yourself. Sends me a text to come meet you by the door. All casual.”

“I mean.” You send her a look. “Did you expect anything different from Nate?”

It’s the way she looks at you and sets her face that almost has you nervous for Nate. You’ve known Mel for a long time now, but really, you don’t know her from more than just years of NHL events. “I do now.” She says.

You hope Nate knew what he was getting himself into sending Mel a text to come find you earlier.  

Once she leads you up into the box with some of the wives and kids, she’s back to smiling and laughing, making introductions all around. The mood all around is light and easy, everyone excited for the home opener of the season, and happy to be back with everyone again. 

It’s fun to be back in this atmosphere. Hockey’s been a part of your life for so long and there’s truly nothing like the energy of the first game of the season. You feed off the energy, catching up with some familiar faces and chatting with all the other girls, probably too excited when they invite you to a girl’s night later in the week, but it feels good to have plans that don’t involve trying to invite yourself to Nate’s when you’re bored.

“Hey, good job tonight.” You nudge him afterwards, catching up with him in the family room.

He laughs, pulling you in for a hug. “A little different than what you were used to?”

“It lived up to the hype, I guess.”

“I’ll turn you from a Pens fan.” Nate promises. 

It’s your turn to laugh. “Feel Sid’s wrath.”

“What’s he going to do? Check me into the boards? Bring it.”

Nate’s been hanging out with your brother and your family for years now, so he should really know better by now. “Okay, buddy.” You pat his shoulder patronizingly. “Sure.”

“I could take him.” Nate insists. 

“Throw hands. Next game. I dare you.” 

He side-eyes you, because you both know that’s not going to happen and it’s only a minute before you’re both laughing. 

“I better see you on Friday!” Ashley Kadri shouts out to you as she’s walking past with Naz and Naylah, interrupting your laughter. “No excuses!”

“I’ll be there!” You call back. “Promise!”

When you look back, Nate’s pouting-exaggerated, albeit, but pouting. “Are you ditching me this Friday?”

“Yup. Found better company.”

“How dare you?” He cries. “There is no better company.”

“Well.” You shrug. “I’ll know for sure after happy hour on Friday.”

“Find your own ride home.” Nate says and then he starts speed walking away from you at an absurd speed.

“Nate!” You protest, jogging to catch up and he finally slows down enough for you to catch up when you round the corner, bumping your shoulder right back when you purposely bump into him in retaliation.

-----

No one lets loose like a group of moms when they’ve got a night without their kids.

Someone has mentioned this to you before, at a bachelorette party or a wedding or something, but you don’t think you’ve ever seen it really in action before until this happy hour. 

“If the waitress comes back, order me another drink!” Kerry calls, before running off to the bathroom.

The waitress nods at her, before addressing the rest of you. “Another round?”

“Oh, please!” Mel nods quickly and repeatedly.

“Can we get a few more orders of mozzarella sticks too, please?” You look down at the empty plates in front of you. “And maybe some nachos too?”

“Yes!” Jackie lights up across from you. “Great call!”

It pretty much only goes downhill from there and by the end of the night, both Mel and Ashley are crying for reasons no one is sure of entirely and you’re pretty grateful to see Nate among the group of husbands and boyfriends to come to pick up all their girlfriends.

So grateful you scream his name the second you see him. “Nate!”

He winces, trying to pull his ear away from you, but he’s laughing. “Guess you had a good time, huh?”

“Uh huh!” You nod enthusiastically, not realizing how loud you are until he winces again.

Nate laughs. “Alright, I think it’s time to go home.”

You gasp loudly. “I can’t leave my new friends!”

“Your new friends are all leaving you!”

You frown, but look around and realize he’s right. Naz has already sneakily pulled Ashley out of the bar and Gabe and Erik were collecting Mel and Jackie’s things. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Nate parrots. “Come on, get your stuff, crazy girl.”

“Hey!” You protest, grabbing your purse. “I am the least crazy person in my family.”

“I hate to break it to you.” Nate says, as he guides you into standing. “But that’s not saying much.”

He’s right, but you bump him with your shoulder anyway as you walk past. That’s about sibling honor and shit.

Nate parked too far away and by the time you reach his car, you’re leaning on him, the adrenaline from hanging out with friends wearing off quickly. Nate’s nice about it, guiding you to his car and then helping you into his front seat before heading around to the driver’s side. 

“You guys had a fun time then?” Nate says, once he’s started driving and you’re half asleep leaning against the window. “Looks like it at least.”

“Yeah.” You nod sleepily. “But you were right.”

He chuckles. “About what?”

“There’s no better company than you.”

-----

Nate becomes pretty clingy after that night, texting and facetiming whenever he’s out of town, and stopping by pretty much anytime he’s got a free minute. It quickly becomes something you look forward to, missing his visits when he’s out of town and looking forward to his calls, smiling when his texts come in and breaking up your work day. And it isn’t long before you realize that you’re being just the same. Sending him messages before and after games. Inviting yourself over for dinner and making Nate cheat on his diet.

In a blessed move from the NHL scheduling department, Sid and the rest of the Pens are scheduled to arrive in town on a Friday morning and aren’t leaving until the end of the weekend. 

They have a practice scheduled for early afternoon, which is perfect for you to wrap up your work day before heading over to watch the end.

Geno lights up when he sees you watching from the glass, the first person to acknowledge you, and skating over in the middle of the drill, leaving behind two shocked linemates. “Mini!” He shouts cheerfully, even as you roll your eyes at your least favorite nickname. All because you happen to be the shortest of your siblings. “Great to see you.”

“You too, Geno.” You smile warmly at him, a little annoyed that you can’t get a giant bear hug from your favorite pseudo-older brother right away. “But I don’t think a few other people feel the same right now.” You jerk your chin back over his shoulder. 

He turns his head quickly but then looks back. “Psh. They’ll get over it.”

You bust out laughing, which is right about when your brother comes over, and in classic Sid fashion, is all about hockey. “Stop being a distraction.”

“I was minding my own business until Geno came over here!” You protest, even as Geno starts laughing and Sid eyes you skeptically. 

“Why don’t I believe that one?” Sid says dryly and sure, maybe you were making faces at some of the guys you knew well as they were passing you, but you weren’t actively being a distraction.

“That’s your prerogative.” You tell Sid, who shakes his head and pulls Geno back for the remainder of practice. 

Practice doesn’t last for too much longer and you spend a few minutes chatting with the coaching staff while you wait for Sid to change. But he and Geno finally come out of the locker room and you stop mid-sentence to throw yourself at your brother.

Sid’s laughing and so are you, but both of you start laughing even harder when Geno pulls you both into his arms. “Two of my favorite people!”

“Taylor’s going to be so offended.” Kris grins, watching the three of you amused.

“Taylor?” You grin back at him, going for a hug once Geno releases you. “How about his wife and kid?”

“Those are my other favorite people.” Geno reasons.

“Now I’m offended.” Kappy deadpans.

“You’re not even close.” Geno grins, roughing his hair.

Kappy tries to get him right back, but Geno just swats his hand away and then Sid’s shaking his head, like this is just the same shit, different day. “Look what you did.”

You grin, leaning against him. “Not sorry. I’ve missed this entertainment.”

Sid shakes his head. “Then you can round them up for dinner.”

You do. Easily.

Nate had suggested one of the team’s favorite restaurants and you’re happy to see that he’d accepted your invitation to join everyone, even if he rolls in a little late. You’re deep into Kris’ camera roll, looking at pictures of his kids and catching up on stories that you haven’t heard about them recently, so you don’t even notice he’s arrived and said hello already until he blows on the back of your neck.

You jump. “What the hell?”

Nate’s grinning. “Hey.”

You shake your head at him and bump your shoulders against him. “Hey.” You mimic and then turn right back to Kris.

But your shoulder stays leaning on Nate, and it remains there comfortably all night.

-----

Sid’s a little cranky when you first meet him for breakfast the morning after the game and you’re sure it has everything to do with the last minute turnover that cost them the game (and bragging rights over Nate this summer, which is really what he’s probably cranky about).

He gets over it pretty quickly though, and soon the two of you are laughing and talking, catching up about your family and your lives.

“-and I even love my office, the vibes are just great!”

Sid shakes his head. “Vibes.”

You grin. You know he hates that word. “Good vibes.” You confirm.

“So you’re liking Denver?”

“Love it.” You confirm, smiling.

“Meeting good people?”

You eye him skeptically. “Yes dad. I already said my coworkers are great and I’ve been hanging out with Nate and his friends a lot too. It’s good”

“Geno thinks there’s something going on between you and Nate.” Sid says casually.

The jump of your heart is far from casual. “Oh yeah?”

Sid eyes you but his response to that is surprising. “You know if there was something going on between you and Nate that would be okay?” He pauses, watching you again, but your face is completely neutral, purposely not moving. “Right?”

“You know if there was something going on between me and Nate that your opinion wouldn’t matter at all, right?”

He grins, laughing as he nods, but after he takes a bite of pancakes he says, “To you, yeah. To him, it does.”

“Why?” You blurt out, giving yourself away before you can stop yourself.

But Sid doesn’t say anything to that. He grins again and then changes the subject entirely.

-----

You only make it about a day before you’re knocking on Nate’s door, pretty forcefully.

“What’s up?” He swings the door open, with a frown. “You okay?”

“Does what my brother thinks really matter to you that much?” You blurt out. It’s been bothering you ever since Sid mentioned it at breakfast. That you lasted this long was probably a miracle.

Nate blushes and your jaw drops. “It-”

“Oh my god.” You grin delightedly. “Come on, really?”

“That’s not-” He blows out a frustrated sigh. “You’re really going to make me say it?”

You nod, but you’re pretty sure he’s not going to get far into what he’s going to say.

He sighs again. “It’s not about, like, his approval, or shit. It’s just- he’s important to you. So obviously he’s important to me-”

You kiss him. 

“You know that you don’t even have to worry about that, right?” At some point, you’d slid one hand to his hip and the other arm around his neck, and the hand there plays with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I’ll argue about that with you later.” Nate says impatiently and so you’re laughing when he kisses you again.

[httpdabi]

Strawberry

Genre: smut, romance? Idk?

Summary: The reunion with your childhood best friend took some turns, and instead of hugs and tears all you wanted to do was kill the familiar stranger, that made your day at work worse.

(Ye, I suck at describing lmao)

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings: 18+ (MINORS DNI), unprotected sex, dom!Dabi, creampie, a bit of dacryphilia, a bit of teasing, rough sex, choking, facefucking.

,,Girl, just hop into the water’’ Mina screamed, taking all the attention you were giving to your phone. You were already regretting the decision you made to join her and Bakugo. You’ve never liked those public pools, and you never understand people who did. Like seriously, children there pee in the water, some of them even poop, who knows ? And its not that you are some hygiene freak, it’s simply a no go for you.

,, Nah, I’m good over here’’ You screamed back, hoping she heard you, as you hid under the shadow of the tree. Sun was also a big minus for you, since 10 minutes were enough for you to get sunburnt and end up with Yoghurt all over your body trying to pamper the burning stings. Plus your pierced nipples didn’t help in this case either, heating up too fast in the sun, since the only peace of clothing that covered them was your swimming suit.

,, You are no fun’’ she pouted, hoping her puppy face will work on you.

Usually on your days off, you liked to enjoy your time at home, reading a nice book or simply lazing around watching a movie, cooking for yourself, and doing simply anything that didn’t include contact with others. Yeah, you had enough contact with people since you were working at the famous café in the city.

People who saw you working there thought that you loved your job. Always smiling, always having so much patience. Truth to be told, you were exactly the opposite. You hate it wholeheartedly. You couldn’t deal with children screaming around all the time, while their parents ignored them, you couldn’t deal with drunk dudes, cat calling you all the time, and you couldn’t deal with rude costumers always complaining about something. Fuck it, you couldn’t deal with anyone.

You felt more than happy once the day came to an end and once you waved goodbye to your co-workers. Nothing against them of course, you loved Mina and Bakugo, but sun, water and loud crowd of people drained your energy out. At that point you found yourself appreciating your apartment and your bed more then ever before.

The next day you woke up pretty late, since you had late shift. Not that you were complaining, you liked sleeping longer, but the fact that you will be working till fucking 10 PM, if not even longer since it was summer, was driving you insane.

Sure waking up early isn’t amazing, but in the morning there wasn’t that much work, and it was much more quiet then in late shift. And sure, some people would consider calling sick, but you didn’t want to be such an asshole toward your co-workers.

Since you will be the one getting the orders on the counter and maybe, only maybe work with ice cream, you decided to wear your favorite comfy skirt, not too long, but also covering everything up. Once you found your fav comfy shirt, you tucked it inside of your skirt and did your casual make up before you left your apartment.

You didn’t like your work, but you were thankful that you could at least get a free meal there, since it saved a lot of time for you. It wasn’t anything special, but at least you didn’t have to prepare anything or stop to buy something before work.

,, DROP THE BEAT’’ Bakugo yelled once he saw you coming, making some weird noises as you gave your best to give them a Top Model walk.

,, TC, TC, TC’’ you repeated, waving your hips from side to side in the beat with the weird sound you and Bakugo made. You hopped beside them, as you took the small pack of cigarettes out of your bag.

Usually after the end of the morning shift, you and your co-workers sit together, enjoying the last minute of the shift exchange together. Of course if there’s a new costumer, one of you would go to work immediately. But most of the time, the café was almost empty at that time, giving you a chance to catch up a bit.

,, Today was pain in the ass, I swear’’ Shiggy said, taking one cigarette out of your package, while Bakugo told you everything you needed to know, if there was something to do and so on. Nodding your head, you lit a cigarette for yourself, preparing yourself for one hell of annoying day that was waiting for you.

Once Bakugo and Shiggy went home, you made your way toward the small counter, preparing everything you needed for the late shift, as you waited for Mina to arrive. You were glad that there weren’t any new costumers, since it gave you lots of time to prepare everything, from ice cream, to sandwiches and drinks.

,, Hiii girl, sorry for being late’’ Mina greeted you happily, while you placed the new drinks into the fridge. It wasn’t anything new for you, she was always late, but you never minded it at all. Your team had some up’s and down’s, but after all, all of you worked great together.

Around 7PM you wished you never got that fucking job. The café was getting fuller and fuller, and people were getting more and more annoying.

,, Can you please serve that table ?’’ Mina asked, pointing on the table where some boys were sitting down. Nodding your head, you took the small notebook and pen, before you made your way towards the table you had to serve.

,, Heyy, what can I do for you?’’ you asked, acting all happy as you prepared the small notebook to write the order.

,, Well, you can blow me off if you are asking that nicely’’ one of them said, making the rest of the boys laugh loudly. Taking one deep breath, you almost rolled your eyes in annoyance.

,, Can I take your order ?’’ you repeated yourself, ignoring the rude comments they gave you, talking about your skirt and how you looked, like you weren’t standing right in front of them.

,, Five beers. Sorry, they really don’t know how to behave’’ one of them, mature enough, said. Giving you one small and apologetic smile. Nodding your head, you just hurried back, wanting to finish their order fast enough, before you did something you would regret later.

Once you bought them their beer, and once they gave you the money, you almost smacked the bottle against the blondies head, when he started checking you out shamelessly. What pissed you even more was the fact that the line waiting for fucking ice cream was already waiting for you.

The whole day was a complete disaster and you wished more then ever to finish your shift and leave the fucking café. At least you had Mina by your side, as the two of you gave each other encouraging words.

,, What can I get for you?’’ you asked, faking a smile at the woman with a child. You were so done with that fucking job, but you couldn’t let the costumers figure that out.

,, Honey, what do you want?’’ she asked her child, as she prepared her wallet. The fact that she was waiting for you to come, and than ask her child what she wants was lowkey pissing you off. They could literally decide before you arrived, but whatever.

,, I want vanilla… Hmmmm, I want mint and strawberry!’’ the little girl screamed excitedly, as you prepared the cone, already putting the vanilla ice cream in it.

,, I’m sorry, we are out of Strawberry ice cream’’ you said, giving her a small smile, as the child started screaming and crying around how she wants strawberry. You had to give your best and stop yourself from throwing the cone against the child’s face. That little girl was old enough to understand what a no means.

,, Sorry sweetie, do you want anything else?’’ you asked, hoping she’ll stop with the whole theater.

,, Noooo I want strawberry’’ she screamed, crying loudly.

,, Just give her raspberry’’ the woman said, rolling her eyes in annoyance like it was your fault that you were out of the strawberry ice cream. Mina noticed that your blood was already boiling, as she asked you if you need some help. Once she heard you saying how everything’s fine, she continued with her work.

NOTHING WAS FINE FOR FUCKS SAKE, NOTHING.

,, What can I get you?’’ you repeated the same question, as a guy approached, holding his phone in his right hand. You looked at him, giving him one fake smile, as you analyzed his face. Black hair, scarred face, few tattoos and lots of piercings. His appearance was pretty much freaking you out, but you had to stay professional and just wait for his order.

,, Hey, strawberry and chocolate’’ he said, casually scrolling the screen of his phone with his thumb. The moment you heard him say strawberry you wanted to quit that fucking job and just move to Poland or whichever country.

,, We are out of strawberry, sorry’’ you breathed out, hoping that the last cell in your brain didn’t die at that moment.

,,Oh ok, then only strawberry is fine’’ he said, giving you a small smile. At that moment you were more then sure that he was making fun of you, even a deaf person was able to catch up that strawberry wasn’t an option anymore after that stupid child made a scene. And that’s when you finally snapped, having enough of everyone’s shit.

,, Which part of we are out of strawberry you didn’t understand?’’ you asked, slamming the cone onto the counter, almost regretting your actions. But once you noticed the way he was trying not to laugh made you snap even more.

,, Are you making fun of me ? Is this funny to you ?’’ your voice was raising with every word you spoke. Once Mina realized that you were having your half mental breakdown, screaming at costumer, she hurried toward you, repeating your name all over again as she tired to catch your attention.

Hearing your name, his eyes widened in surprise, now totally focused on you instead of his cellphone and if Mina wasn’t there, you would probably start a bitch fight with him for even looking at you that way.

,, Woah, what’s going on? ‘’ she asked confused, as you gave the dude death glares.

,,This guy here is going on. He’ll be my 13th reason why’’ you screamed waving your hands in air, not even trying to calm down anymore.

,, Chill out, we only have 30 minutes more till we close’’ she said, patting your back slowly, as she mouthed small sorry to the guy.

,, Oh, 30 minutes ? We’re out of the ice cream’’ you hissed, slamming the glass down, giving him a clear sign that he won’t lick shit tonight. If your boss heard and saw you at that moment, you would be fired in just a second.

After 20 minutes, the two of you happily told the costumers that they have to leave. Before you could leave, you took two corona tests, already working on your own test as Mina went to the toilet to change.

,, OH MY GOD, YOU’RE PREGNANT’’ she screamed, placing one hand over her mouth.

,, Bitch, this is corona test’’ you hissed, loud laugh following your words. ,, And it’s only one line, which means that I’m negative. What the fuck’’ you laughed, placing one test in front of her, thinking about where the fuck did she get all her informations from, since she thought that one line means pregnant. Ignoring the fact that she thought that corona test is fucking pregnancy test.

,, You really overacted today, maybe he didn’t hear’’ she said, as you puffed onto your cigarette.

,, Girl, even my grandma from nursing home could hear that we were out of strawberry, and trust me her hearing aids ain’t worth shit’’ you rolled your eyes, making Mina giggle quietly.

,, But still, he might tell to boss, you don’t know that guy’’ she whispered, as you watched the guy sitting on the bench with his friends. She had a point sadly, he did look like someone who would cause trouble just for fun.

,, You’re right, I’ll go and apologize’’ you said once you saw him wave goodbye to his friends. Taking one deep breath you hugged Mina, before you forced yourself to walk fast enough to catch up with him.

,, Hey’’ you screamed, almost running behind him, hoping he actually heard you. Once he turned around, giving you one hella confusing look, you sighed in relief, placing both of your hands on your knees as you tried to catch your breath.

,, Wow, such a sporty spirit’’ he joked as he watched you fight for air.

,, Yeah, oh my god. I just wanted to apologize for what happened earlier’’ you managed to say somehow, ignoring his comments.

,, Yeah, that wasn’t very nice of you’’ he pointed, taking one cigarette and placing it between his lips. ,,I was ready to write a review on google about the way you treated me’’ he joked once again, but you completely misunderstood it.

,,I KNEW IT, I FUCKING KNEW IT’’ you screamed, pointing your finger in his direction. ,, Look man, I already hate my job, don’t make it any worse’’ you whined loudly, not getting the irony in his voice.

,, Well, let me treat you with dinner, what do you think? And then I’ll think about the review’’ he smiled, using the way you misunderstood his words in his advantage. Once you heard him say that, you definitely regretted the way you acted one hour ago.

,, That won’t work, I have a cat waiting for me home and trust me, he ain’t capable feeding himself on his own’’ you spat, hoping he’ll understand and simply leave you alone, but once you saw him raise his eyebrow at you and giving you one questioning look, you almost rolled your eyes on him.

,, but you can come with me and we can order fucking tacos or whatever’’ you added, surprised that you went that far and disappointed once he accepted your invite.

,,Taquitoooo, I’m home babyyyy’’ you screamed, kicking your shoes as you got inside your apartment. Turning around you found the tall man looking around, analyzing every corner of your apartment.

,, Taquito? You’ve gotta be kidding me’’ he laughed at you. Even tho you just met the guy, it felt like you knew him for ages for some weird reason.

He sat outside on the balcony, as you prepared the two glasses and drinks for the two of you, while he ordered some food.

,, Anyway, what’s your name ?’’ you asked, remembering that you don’t know shit about the man sitting in your apartment.

,,Ah yes, I totally forget that, the name is Dabi’’ he grinned, taking the glass away from you, as he made himself at home.

,, Why the fuck did you call your cat Taquito?’’ he asked, as your cat jumped onto his lap, purring softly, making you just stare at them surprisingly. Taquito didn’t even like your family and friends, yet he was all cuddly with some fucking stranger.

,, Yeah long story short, I was drunk as fuck, found him on the street while I watched the stupid Tiktok about a girl that bought a turtle and called it Taquito’’ you said fast, as you sat there waiting for the food. Once you had a good look of him, something felt off. Nothing weird or scary, but you only felt like you already knew him. Sure, you definitely wouldn’t forget a face like his, but something about his eyes was telling you that you met him somewhere.

,, Anyway, enough about my cat. Did we meet somewhere?’’ you asked, staring at him shamelessly as he played with Taquito.

,, Maybe ?’’ he said, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

,, Cut it. Your eyes are familiar. I swear, I feel like I know you from somewhere ‘’ you confessed, placing a finger on your lip, as you tried to figure out from where you know him.

,, Yeah, I have such a pretty eyes, don’t I’’ he said, blinking fast as he tried to give some weird effect with it.

,, You can’t be that stupid doll’’ he added, when he realized that you still can’t remember him. Sure he changed, sure he went thru some shit and ended up with scars, and sureee he colored his hair black, but still he felt a bit disappointed when he realized that you have no idea who he is.

,, Does a name Touya tell you anything ?’’ he asked, raising his eyebrow at you playfully, laughing loudly at your confused face.

,, Nah, go fuck with someone else, that can’t be true’’ you hissed, crossing your arms on your chest. If you saw Touya, you would remember him, your childhood best friend.

,, Monday, 2PM, old tree house?’’ he said, almost asked about something only the two of you knew, trying not to laugh at your shocked expression.

,, It can’t be’’ you gasped, eyes wide enough, almost popping out of your skull. ,, YOU PIECE OF SHIT WHY DIDN’T YOU CONTACT ME?’’ you screamed jumping suddenly, making Taquito run form his lap, scared from your sudden reaction.

,, Honestly, I forgot what your last name was, so I couldn’t find you anywhere’’ he admitted, happy you finally remembered him. Sure he didn’t recognize you at first either, but once he heard your co worker calling you by your name, he immediately figured everything out, and understood why you seemed so familiar.

,, Are you serious ? And what kind of reunion was that ? I was ready to choke you with a fucking ice cream cone’’ you laughed, still not believing that the stranger sitting in front of you was no one else than fucking Touya Todoroki, the best friend you once had that left you behind and went overseas.

,, Yeah that was one iconic reunion if you ask me’’ he laughed out, thinking about the way you acted few hours ago.

The two of you talked about everything possible, about his life overseas, about the past, your shitty job, your cat and his dislike on every living being. Once it was too late, he wanted to leave, but you simply couldn’t let him go home at such a late hour, since people at the city were pretty weird and the city isn’t the quiet and safe one and after a long time of your insisting he finally agreed.

When you woke up, Touya was nowhere to be found, but he did leave a small piece of paper, with a number and apology written on it. You grinned to yourself, as you hurried to get ready for your work, since you stood up too late.

The day was much better than the last one, only instead of Mina who always managed to calm you down, you had Bakugo who was even more aggressive then you are by your side. You had the same task as last night, but once you saw Touya and his group of friends making themselves comfortable at one of the tables in the corner, you told Bakugo that you’ll take their order.

,, hayyy, alredy know your order ?’’ you asked excitedly placing your hands on Touya’s shoulders from behind, the smile on your face being honest for a change.

,, My girllll, why didn’t you text me ?’’ he whined, as he grabbed your hands and pulled you down, forcing you to hug him.

,, Didn’t the two of you have a huge fight last night because of strawberry ice cream?’’ one of his friends asked, totally confused.

,, We talked it out’’ you laughed, as he placed a small kiss on your cheek, before you finally took their order, almost forgetting you are at work.

If you were being honest, the whole shift was better with him and Bakugo who was cursing every second costumer around. Almost every 15 minutes Touya would end up at the counter, asking for a strawberry ice cream. Every time you would tell him that you are out of it, he would simply ask for the Book of complaints, making you roll your eyes playfully at him.

You were surprised when you noticed that he was actually waiting for you, laughing loudly when Bakugo commented how this whole romantic shit is making him sick.

The next few days the two of you spend way too much together, and first time in forever you actually liked having someone around. Every day he would drop by at your work, and wait till you are done and then the two of you would go home and have a late dinner, while he had cuddle season with Taquito.

On Saturday, you were looking for excuses to call sick, and once Mina told you that the only person who would be forced to jump in was no one else than Rumi, you immediately called them, acting all sick and everything.

After you called, you gave yourself one good deserved nap, not feeling bad anymore since Rumi was the co-worker no one liked.

The loud knocks at your door woke you up, grabbing your phone your eyes widened in shock once you realized that you slept almost the whole day. Rubbing your eyes, you rushed to open the damn door.

,, What the fuck?’’ Touya hissed, once he saw you healthy and alive standing there in nothing but oversized shirt.

,, what? I overslept a bit’’ you gave him a weak smile, as you let him in. You were surprised yourself that you slept that long, but you totally deserved it.

,, I swear, once your co worker told me you’re sick, I thought you died or something’’ he added, following you inside.

,, Yeah, I just needed some rest’’ you laughed, hoping he’ll chill the fuck out. Thankfully he calmed down real fast, almost forgetting about all the worry he had once he saw you all healthy, and once he saw Taquito running happily to him.

There was something comforting in having Touya around again. Somehow it made you feel like a child again, and the fact that he’s staying this time, for real, made your heart skip a beat for some weird reason. He was all the time around, at your work waiting for you, giving you a ride back home or walking you back home, dropping by on your days off with your favorite snacks and so on. Usually you wouldn’t like it, but since it was him, you embraced the affection he was giving you wholeheartedly.

You even became a laughing stick at your work, as your co-workers always made jokes about your new lover boy. Especially Mina and Bakugo, turning every conversation into Touya related one.

Making the drinks some costumers ordered, a yawn escaped your lips. Still sleepy as fuck, you somehow managed to put your attention on your work instead of the lack of sleep.

,, So, how was the date last night ? What did you two do ?’’ you asked, remembering that Bakugo met some girl he liked so much last night.

,, See when two people come together, they perform an intimate act called getting fucking railed’’ Bakugo said, trying to sound as romantic as possible.

,, You’re disgusting’’ you gasped, throwing the small sponge at him, as he laughed loudly, making his way to the costumer that just got in.

You were completely focused on your work, until Bakugo told you that your lover boy is there, and he’ll be the one to get his order. Rolling your eyes, you just let him do it, as you continued with the work you already did.

Bakugo was much louder than usually, probably because his little date went good, singing around you and joking around every now and then. Not that it bothered you, in fact, you were so glad that he showed his unusual side that day, since he’s grumpy and mad almost all the time.

,, I swear the headache is killing me today’’ you whined loudly, hopping beside Touya once you got the chance. You took one cigarette from him, and lit it up, enjoying the peace with almost no costumers around.

,, You seem pretty close with that guy’’ Touya said, also taking one cigarette.

,, Huh? You mean Bakugo?’’ you asked and he simply nodded his head, not taking his eyes from the spiky haired guy. ,, Yeah, we are pretty close’’ you added, puffing onto your cigarette.

,, You like him ?’’ Touya’s eyes met yours, making you feel a bit uneasy with his sudden behavior.

,, No, we are literally only friends and he’s much younger, wait, why ?’’ you were too confused, finding it hard to proceed the whole situation. Changing the topic, he simply asked what you wanna do after work, acting as nothing happened at all.

,, So, that Bakugo guy, he has a girlfriend ?’’ Touya asked, as the two of you made your way to the nearest store.

,, At this point I’m not sure if you are interested in me or Bakugo’’ you joked, dragging your feet lazily.

,, In you, obviously’’

After that day Touya was giving his best to show you how he felt, he was giving his best to show everyone to who you belong. Being a little too touchy in front of his friends and your co workers, in a way that seemed innocent to you, yet clear to everyone else. Small kisses he usually placed on your cheeks, were getting closer and closer to your lips. The hand he usually places around your shoulders, was getting lower and lower.

Even when he comes over, he was using every little chance he had to touch you, using everything you liked into his advantage. He knew how much you loved when someone caressed you, and he did it more than gladly for you. Tracing his fingers against your soft skin, starting with your arms, only to end up with his hand under your shirt, caressing your back slowly, until you would end up falling asleep in his arms.

,, What do you want to watch ?’’ you asked, placing the bowl of popcorn onto the table, while Touya waited for you patiently on you couch. The weather was perfect for nothing else than a lazy movie evening.

Hopping next to him, you made yourself comfortable as you listened to the storm outside. The sound of strong wind and thunder was more then relaxing to you, and for some reason you enjoyed weather like that.

Gasping loudly, you jumped a little once your cat tried to climb onto you, destroying your small enjoyable moment.

,,Taquito get the fuck off her, she has a boyfriend’’ Touya pushed the cat away gently, joking around, as you just sat there and watched him, eyes wide in shock.

,, Do I?’’ you asked, not moving at all.

,, Fuck yes, you do’’ he added, wrapping his right arm around you, pulling you closer to him, as he looked for a perfect movie to watch. He took his time searching for anything interesting, mumbling some words of disappointments as he couldn’t find anything on Netlfix. At the end he played Oh, Ramona! , since none of you watched it and it was it was simply in Netflix recommendation list.

Pulling you closer to him, he started tracing his fingers along your arm, both of you concentrated on the weird movie that was playing on the screen of your Television. You always begged your friends to caress your arm, since you loved the ticklish feeling that always made you sleepy, yet they would always refuse it, giving you some lame excuses how they’re tired and so on.

Now that Touya was doing it without you having to ask him, you tried to enjoy every second of it. If you only knew, how much Touya enjoyed it, almost as much as you did. The feeling of your soft skin under his fingertips was driving him crazy, as he traced them down your tattoos, mesmerizing every inch of them.

The air got steamier in one moment, and you weren’t sure if it was because of the overly erotic scenes that were showed in the movie, or because his hand was now under your shirt, slowly moving from your back, to the side of your hips.

Trying to calm yourself down a little, you grabbed your phone, checking out all of the unread messages in the group chat. The way he moved hiss hands from side to side made you almost way to shaky. It took you some time to write a reply to your friends, and you almost dropped your phone once he put a little bit pressure into his touch, making your skin burn under his palm.

,, You should concentrate on the movie doll’’ Touya said, not stopping his movements.

,, Yeah, sorry’’ you mumbled, dropping your phone beside you, as you tried not to close your eyes in pleasure.

Once the movie got too erotic fro your taste, you found yourself with your phone in your hands again, trying to hide the blush that was spreading across your cheeks. Of course, that didn’t go unnoticed by Touya. Annoyed groan left his lips, as he snatched the phone away from you.

,, You really don’t listen’’ he pointed, hiding the phone away from you, as you complained quietly. The hand that was under your shirt was suddenly wrapped around your neck, pushing you slowly into the couch, there was no pressure in it, but the sudden turn of the whole situation made your eyes widen in shock.

,, Are you bored doll? ‘’ he asked, his face only inches away from yours as he locked your body under his own.

,, No, it’s just.. the movie is too much’’ you whispered, gulping on your saliva as he slowly tapped his fingers around your neck. This time you didn’t have to ask yourself, you knew that he was the one turning you on, and not the fucking scenes from the movie.

,, too erotic’’ you mumbled, making him laugh loudly.

,, You should have kept your eyes on me, instead of your phone, if it was getting to much for you’’ he gave you a smile, a dangerous one.

,, That won’t help’’ you confessed, making him smirk widely as you spoke those words. How could it help, when he was laying beside you handsome without even trying, as his hand was caressing your body gently.

,, Oh, am I turning you on?’’ he asked, mocking you shamelessly, as you tried to avoid his eyes.

Touya didn’t need your reply, the way you acted in the moment was enough for him, and God did he want to fuck you senseless in that moment. His hand moved a bit up from your neck, holding your jaw in one place, as he connected his lips with yours.

His hold on your jaw grew stronger, forcing you to open your mouth just enough so he could slip his tongue inside. Not breaking the kiss, he parted your tights apart, as he hovered on top of you, his hips between your legs, slowly grinding against your clothed core.

You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer into the kiss, not giving a shit about the movie or your phone anymore. The way he was grinding against you, the way you could feel his hard dick rubbing against you, made you insane in that moment and you found yourself wanting more and more.

,, On your knees’’ Toyua commanded, breaking the kiss as he sat onto the couch, spreading his legs enough to give you some space between them. Without thinking twice, you obeyed, positioning yourself down, between his legs, as he pushed his hips just a bit to pull his sweatpants and boxers down.

Touya looked down on you, not hiding the smirk on his face, as he slowly caressed your hair. Kissing the tip gently, you looked up through your long lashes, satisfied with the fact that he was going crazy as much as you do. He cursed something under his breath, as you gave him one lick, taking your time and making sure you licked every inch of it.

,, Don’t tease me doll, you’re not in position for it’’ he hissed, as you placed your lips on the tip of his cock. His hand found its way to your hair, gripping onto it, as he brought your mouth farther down him. You wanted to take your time, to play at your own pace, but Touya didn’t let you, he waited too long for this to happened and teasing wasn’t something he needed in the moment.

,, Open your mouth a bit more’’ he growled, gripping your hair tighter then before. He wanted you to obey him, he wanted you to do everything he wanted in that moment and you did, you gladly did.

It was the first time you had someone’s dick deep down your throat, and the feeling you weren’t used to made your eyes glossy so fast as his tip hit the back of your throat, making you gag a little.

Without giving you any time to get used to it, he started moving his hips, as he held your head in place. You could feel his hardness more then clear now, as his hips thrust into your mouth at some lazy, yet strong pace. Focused on his dick, you didn’t even realize that tears were rolling down your cheeks, vision getting blurry as his moves got much faster, not giving you a chance to breath properly.

,, You look so pretty when you cry’’ Touya groaned, getting even more turned on as he watched you get ruined because of his dick. The small amount of mascara you had, was all gone, turning your tears into blurry shade of black. You started gagging, and without even knowing you tried to move away a bit, giving your best to breath through your nose.

Looking up on him, you saw him squeeze his eyes shut, head swung back into the edge of your couch. You could feel your saliva dripping down your chin, and if you weren’t in that position at the moment, you would probably end up blushing. But none of that was possible, since all you could focus on was his dick hitting the same spot of your throat.

Touya stopped his movements, slowly petting your head, as you fought for your breath, coughing loudly, while tears rolled down your cheeks. If it was someone else, you would probably told them to go to hell and throw them out of your apartment, but it was Touya, and all you wanted was to do was make him feel good.

,, My good girl’’ he praised, pulling you up into his lap. You wanted to stay in his lap a bit longer, you wanted to snuggle into his neck and enjoy the moment, but just after he gave you one sloppy kiss, you found yourself under him again.

Touya took your shorts and panties off, throwing them across the living room together with his shirt. In less then a minute, the two of you were all naked, enjoying the feeling of each others skin.

,, Touya, please’’ you begged, feeling his hard erection between your legs, as he sucked onto your neck, leaving wet love bites all over it. Taking one deep breath, he started rubbing the tip of his dick up and down your clit, making you beg for him even more.

,, Needy baby’’ he mocked, placing his tip only a bit into your core, as he continued to tease you, loving every second of the way you were almost breaking down for him.

A loud scream escaped your lips as he entered his full length into you, kissing your jaw and giving you some time to adjust his size. The moment he looked down your body, to see his dick buried deep inside your core, something else grabbed his attention. Cursing loudly, his eyes focused on two shiny pieces of metal, pierced thru both of your nipples.

,, How didn’t I notice this earlier’’ he hissed, lowering his head just enough as he sucked onto your nipple, the contrast of the warm feeling of your skin and the cold metal against his tongue made his curse all over again. His hand found it’s way to your left boob, slowly pinching and twisting your nipple, making you throw your head back, and making it hard for you to concentrate on anything else than his dick that stood still inside you, while his tongue was working wonders on you.

Playing with the small piercing, Touya started moving his hips at a lazy and sloppy pace, making you feel every single inch of him. Touya groaned against your nipple, deciding to waste no time, bringing his cock out and then slamming it back inside almost urgently.

Your hand reached up to his hair, tugging it roughly, as your other hand went up to his back, scratching red lines down helping release some of the pleasure you felt in the moment. Touya rocked his hips quickly, gaining depth with each thrust he made, as you were pulling at his hair lightly, eyes shut strongly as you moaned his name loudly.

He loved how you felt around him, he loved the way you were scratching his back and tugging his hair, yet he wanted more. Placing his hand around your throat, he gave it a small squeeze. It looked like he was asking for a permission, but he wasn’t. In fact it was more like a sign, a little sign for you to prepare yourself for what’s coming.

You didn’t get the little hint he gave you, totally unprepared once his grip around your throat grew stronger, making your breathing stop, as he slammed his hips at ruthless speed. He enjoyed playing with you, giving you only a second to fight for air, before he puts the pressure around your neck again, wrapping his fingers firmly around it.

In one moment you weren’t sure if he forgot about the fact that you couldn’t breath, hand wrapped around your throat for too long making your eyes roll back. You clenched his hair, yanking it tightly, giving him a sign that you need air, only for him to smirk in response as he held it even tighter, thrusting into you with much more force then he did before.

You were more then grateful when he gave you a whole minute to breath properly. But even without his hand around your neck, you had trouble catching your breath since he was hitting your sweet spot all over and over again. Of course, that was your problem and not his.

Feeling your walls getting tighter around his dick, he once again put the not so small pressure onto your throat, forcing the tears out of you as he continued to reach your g spot each time he slammed back inside. Scratching his back, your grabbed his hand that was wrapped around your throat with your own, closing your eyes shut as you found yourself coming undone. You weren’t sure if it was because of the lack of air, or because he didn’t stop his movements, but the orgasm that hit you was the best one you ever had.

In that moment, Touya left your neck alone, smirking to himself as he noticed the marks of his fingertips buried deep in the skin of your neck. Placing his hands onto your hips, he sped up, rocking his hips against your at animalistic speed as he reached his own high.

Groaning loudly he came inside, body collapsing on your own as he slowly fucked his seed into you, as he repeated how much he loves you all over again.

Once the two of you finally calmed down, Touya helped you clean yourself, being extra careful like you were a small piece of glass that was about to break any moment.

Hopping back onto the couch, you rolled your eyes at the view of the ending of the stupid movie Touya found. He wrapped his arm around you, snatching the cigarette that was hanging between your lips and placing it between his own.

,,Oh God’’ you gasped loudly, as your cat jumped on top of you, making you jump a bit in surprise. ,, Fuck off Taquito, I have a boyfriend’’ you pushed your cat lightly away, repeating the words Touya said few hours ago, making him grin widely as he placed a kiss on your cheek.

[marvelouspeterparker]

all worth it

pairing: tom holland x interviewer!reader

summary: tom is an actor, doing interviews is a part of his job. but there’s just something about you that makes him feel like the stress that comes with press tours and interviews is all worth it.

warnings: none, just fluff

notes: literally got this idea from looking at an onward interview gif (the one where he recites the lines from back to the future, iykyk) also imagine the pandemic never happened in this jfskgh

so tom loves his job, obviously

he gets to be his number one favorite superhero, make people happy, do what he loves, and more

but that doesn’t mean that there are no downsides to his career

there is actually a lot of stress that comes with being in the limelight and that includes people constantly watching your every move, being critiqued, questioned and put on the spot

and the perfect time for all this to occur? during interviews

now some of the time, interviews are nice, sometimes they’re even fun

but unfortunately a lot of the time, the same questions are asked in each and every one, one after the other, for hours on end and it honestly gets very boring and very draining very fast

so to be quite frank, he wasn’t expecting much when he walked into the next room for his last interview of the day

but when you walked in, he couldn’t help but perk up a bit

you were pretty and you seemed very nice as well, greeting everyone, including the crew as you made your way over to tom, jacob and zendaya

some of the interviewers would just walk straight to their seat and start the questions almost immediately, no warmth in their manners––but you, you were different

you shook each of their hands, smiling wide as you said hello

you couldn’t really contain your enthusiasm, you were a big marvel fan, and a fan of each of them, so you couldn’t tame your smile even if you wanted to

your energy was infectious and tom was more than grateful for it

when you reached him, he looked into your eyes deeply and you had to snap out of your daze before you made a fool of yourself

‘hello darling’ he licked his lips as he looked up at you, a gracious smile on his face and you blinked a couple times before responding

‘hi it’s––so nice to meet you, i’m a big fan.’ you turned to look at the others, ‘of all of you, really.’ 

they all ‘aww’ed and accepted your compliments, thanking you as you took your seat

when you were given the green light to start, you gave a curt nod to the crew behind the cameras and started right away

you were professional and good at your job, making the cast feel welcome and at ease after a long day of work

you told jokes, asked interesting questions that others hadn’t and since you were a marvel fan, you were able to ask specific questions that showed your genuine interest in the comics, the films, the plots and more

tom could feel himself getting more comfortable as the interview went on and the smile never left his face throughout the entire thing

when it ended and they turned the cameras off, you all felt a bit disappointed that you would have to say goodbye so soon, you were all having a good time and genuinely laughing so hard that your cheeks hurt 

you thanked them all for their time and jacob was quick to wave you off

‘no thank you––i think we can all agree that we saved the best for last today.’ he looked to his friends and they nodded along

zendaya chimed in ‘for real, this was fun.’

you smiled, honored that you managed to make their day a little better and tom spoke up quietly, making you turn to look at him

‘yeah this, this was really great. thank you y/n.’

you could feel your cheeks heating up but you nodded, smiling as you tried your best to calm your raging heartbeat ‘my pleasure’

tom would have loved to speak with you more afterwards honestly, but unfortunately as soon as he exited the room, he and his friends were being ushered towards the next location for the day, preparing for the long week they still had ahead of them

though you had hoped to see more of tom, you only had one interview with him, so you wouldn’t be seeing him any time soon

or so you thought, anyway

your boss surprised you with a chance to go to the premiere, and interview some of the cast and other actors on the red carpet of course (since you were there for work)

you honestly thought that if tom did see you, he would only give you a small wave, maybe a slight head nod at best since you’d already interviewed him, but to your surprise, when he saw you, he smiled immediately and made his way over to you, swerving away from his entourage (which consisted of his brothers, assistant, and others you didn’t recognize)

‘hi love, how are you?’ 

his eyes were shining under the bright lights on the carpet and there were hundreds of shouts and conversations going on around you, but he somehow managed to make you focus only on him, from his voice and presence alone

‘good! how are you? you excited? nervous?’

he laughed, tilting his head, ‘both, but you know, i’m really proud of this film and i’m ready for people to see it’

you didn’t have much time to talk since there were plenty of other interviewers, journalists and on top of that he had to take pictures so you wished him good luck and he thanked you genuinely

‘i have to run, but be sure to tell me what you think of the movie afterwards, yeah? i know you’re a marvel fan, wanna see if it lives up to your standards’ he winked and you stuttered for a bit, agreeing as he walked off 

you were shocked that he wanted to hear your opinion, but granted there was a camera on you both, which you might have forgotten about while you were talking

but you couldn’t help but think, was that flirting? does he really want to know what i think?

you tried to push the butterflies down and focus on the film as you watched and honestly, it was easy to forget about everything else once you looked at the screen

the film, the plot, tom––everything was so captivating and entertaining, you couldn’t look away even if you tried

it wasn’t until after the film had ended, and you’d stayed for both end credit scenes that you realized you had no way of contacting tom

surely he would have things to do after this, after parties maybe? so you most likely wouldn’t see him outside

and it’s not like he followed you on instagram––he probably wouldn’t even see your dm if you sent one

as you were on your way out, thinking about all this, you felt a hand tap your shoulder and you turned, a smile on your face

but soon realizing it wasn’t who you’d hoped, you tried to not let the disappointment show on your face but as you looked clearly, you realized the man looked familiar

‘hi’ he smiled, ‘i’m tom’s assistant’ you nodded, greeting him a little confused

‘tom’ he started, pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket, ‘wanted me to give you this’ he handed you the paper and you opened it, feeling your stomach jump when you realized a number was scribbled on it, signed -tom ;)

without even realizing, you stared at the ink on the paper for a few seconds silently before his assistant snapped you out of it

‘he wanted you to know that he’s not a dick and he would have come if he could’

you laughed and looked up at him

‘honestly he felt really bad he couldn’t come himself, trust me.’

you nodded and put the paper in your bag, ‘thank you, i’ll be sure to use this’ you smiled

he smiled too, ‘tom hopes you will’ 

you had a feeling that tom would be busy that night, and probably hungover the next morning, so you waited a couple of days before contacting him

and during those two days, tom was honestly freaking out inside...and outside

were you not interested? was he too forward? did he do something wrong? did you get the wrong idea of him?

he was even texting harrison, jacob and zendaya about it in their group chat

tom: i’m an idiot aren’t i

zendaya: yeah but we already knew that

tom: 😑

harrison: i’m sure she’ll text you, maybe she’s just busy

jacob: yeah man, you’re a total catch

jacob: and anyway if she doesn’t want you, i’ll have you 😏

tom: thanks babe 😘

zendaya: i’m just gonna go––

tom: but anyway, i don’t think i’ll ever shoot my shot ever again because this is just embarrassing

not even a full minute passed before the he send the next text 

tom: nevermind she just texted me

tom almost dropped his phone when he saw the message pop up

maybe: y/n: hi tom! this is y/n :) i’m free to give you my thoughts on the movie when you are

you felt like you were going to be sick when you hit send on the message––you didn’t want to bother him, it’d been several days, what if he changed his mind? 

and you––nevermind he responded immediately

tom: hi darling :) i’m glad you used my number 

tom: i’m free to talk now actually, we could facetime if that’s easier? only if you want, of course

you paused when you read his text, luckily you had showered and gotten dressed today so you didn’t look a mess but you opened the camera just to check if you looked alright

were you really about to facetime tom holland?

when you finished fixing your hair, smoothing down your eyebrows and licking your lips, you swallowed your nerves and replied

y/n: sure, i’d like that

he took a deep breath and hit the call button, eagerly waiting for it to connect when you answered

when you both came into view, you smiled, greeting each other shyly

‘was a little worried when you didn’t call me that night’ he admitted sheepishly

your brows raised, surprised ‘oh i just––i assumed you would have been busy you know, after parties and all that’ you laughed and he joined you, a small smile on his face

‘darling even if you called me during the party, i would have left just to talk to you––missed hearing your voice honestly’ 

when you paused to answer a blush coated his cheeks and you couldn’t help but think how cute he looked

‘sorry was that lame?’ he laughed nervously and you shook your head, biting your lip to suppress your smile

‘no––that was, really sweet actually. i––like talking to you too, it’s really nice’ 

soon you get to talking about the actual movie and you couldn’t stop the praises from flowing

‘honestly it was incredible tom, you were incredible, i loved it’

‘thank you love, i’m really glad you enjoyed it, i was hoping you would.’

and the way that tom smiled bashfully and blushed, even pointing the camera away from his face to hide at one point had you swooning more than ever

after that, you and tom texted here and there, sometimes even facetiming, and he wouldn’t hesitate to compare you to his other interviewers and even tell you about it

‘had an interview today, can’t even compare it to yours, love’ 

you just rolled your eyes, a smile on your face ‘oh shut up, tom’ 

you talk often but due to both of your busy schedules, months go by before you see each other again

you run into him at red carpets for other marvel movies, and there’s never a dull moment between the two of you

‘‘there’s my favorite interviewer’ his smile was wide as he walked up to you. ‘you excited for this one?’

you scoffed, fully having a conversation with tom as though you weren’t on camera ‘of course i am, it looks amazing’

‘even better than my movies?’

you raised your hands in surrender, ‘legally, i can’t answer that’

he put a hand to his chest, acting dramatically offended ‘wow well, i guess it’s time for me to go then’

‘at least save me a seat?’ you joked

‘you know i will’ he smirked

by the time ‘the devil all the time’ press came about, you hadn’t told tom that you were assigned to interview him, honestly it was a last minute schedule change 

honestly, he’d gotten good at hiding his bad moods from the public, but you’d known him for enough time now to be able to see when he wasn’t at his 100%

which is why you could see him visibly brighten up when he walked into the room and saw you

‘what are you doing here?’ he asked, clearly (pleasantly) surprised as he hugged you 

‘uh, my job?’ you joked, ‘you didn’t actually think i only interviewed for the mcu did you?’

he blushed, ‘well i uh––no, obviously not’ he said unconvincingly but you brushed him aside as you got ready for the interview

once you started, tom couldn’t help but smile as he watched you, you were just really good at your job and he enjoyed being with you, even when it was for work

‘so obviously audiences are used to seeing you as peter parker, a rather lighthearted character, despite all the hardships he’s had to face––would you say approaching a character as dark as this was challenging in any way? mentally, emotionally, or just in regards to the fact that the public would be seeing a new, more sinister, villainous side to you?’

‘i mean it was a little daunting, definitely. but i was excited to sort of branch out mentally and challenge myself emotionally for this role––the story was fascinating to me and i was just so proud to be a part of this project, i tried not to think of any downsides.’ 

he paused and licked his lips, a glint in his eyes. ‘and honestly, we all have a little bit of a dark side, don’t we?’ 

you paused. of all times to flirt––

‘well hopefully not to the same extent of your character,’ you joked and thankfully the conversation smoothly transitioned elsewhere

now the fans took notice of your bond with tom

they noticed that tom seemed to smile the brightest and laugh the loudest during your interviews, even jumping into other conversations and answers to questions that were directed to his costars

there were dozens of videos, hundreds of edits––

‘tom falling for his interviewer for 9 minutes straight’

and you’d seen them––it was sort of impossible for you to not

you’d been tagged in so many of them, even your friends sent them to you

i mean you weren’t blind, tom was attractive and he did make your heart flutter but you assumed that he didn’t want a relationship since his career was only progressing, skyrocketing either––it would probably be difficult to maintain a solid relationship, or maybe he just wasn’t interested in you so you said nothing

it wasn’t until he had a break from filming that he asked you to hangout, and still you thought nothing of it, until he asked what time he should pick you up

you paused, and he even thought that you froze when really you were just processing what he said

‘like a––date?’ you asked hesitantly

he smiled, scratching the back of his head nervously, ‘yeah? yeah i––like a date.’

you smiled, ‘i would love to tom. but aren’t you worried about pictures spreading online? headlines and all that? i wouldn’t want to add any more stress––’

‘i promise love,’ he interrupted your worried rant, ‘you make it all worth it.’

[itsclydebitches]

I am briefly pausing my normal RWBY content to talk about something completely different: Kang Soo-Jin. 

I binged True Beauty recently. As in, “I haven’t managed to watch anything new in half a year, discovered this drama, and promptly marathoned 14+ hours of content,” so to say I’m enjoying it is an understatement. I might do another post sometime about why I think the show works so well, but for now, like many (drama only) viewers, I’m specifically grappling with Soo-Jin’s descent into antagonist territory. At first I was just as shocked and disappointed as others seem to be, but upon reflection I don’t think this is badly written in the way many fans are claiming. To frame this as, “I can’t believe they would make wonderful Soo-Jin suddenly OOC and bully Ju-Kyung over a guy!” is ignoring core parts of her character. I’m as sick of the girl-hates-girl-over-guy plotline as the next viewer, but in the interest of acknowledging that there are exceptions to every rule, I think this is one of the times where that choice makes perfect sense. 

Soo-Jin has been abused throughout her life and I’m not simply talking about the fact that her father hits her. Though that’s obviously horrific, what I think is more pertinent to this conversation is the intense competitiveness her parents have instilled in her. The physical abuse comes about because Soo-Jin fails (in their eyes) to be the best, which is where Ju-Kyung comes in. The Soo-Jin we knew in earlier episodes wasn’t faking. She isn’t an inherently evil person who was just waiting for the right time to show her true colors. Rather, at the start of the story Ju-Kyung—crucially—was not in competition with Soo-Jin. Or rather, Soo-Jin did not perceive her as competition. She’s after the best grades in the school and Ju-Kyung is notoriously at the bottom of the class. All she has going for her are her (new) looks and her easy-going personality that makes her popular, two things that Soo-Jin isn’t interested in. Even if she were, those things already come naturally to her too. She’s already friends with Soo-A and, as is commented on multiple times, naturally beautiful without any makeup on. Soo-Jin has been taught—literally had it beaten into her—that she must be the best and in the beginning of the show she pretty much is: popular, mature, confident, smart… just not the smartest in her class. Ju-Kyung doesn’t threaten any of that, so friendship initially comes easily for Soo-Jin, the sort of friendship that allows her to chase perverts off busses or hide her friend’s real face. 

This changes once Soo-Jin’s “perfect” mask begins to slip. They’re heading towards college, she’s running out of time, and she still hasn’t managed to take the top spot in the class. Worse, she drops out of the top ten. This exacerbates the abuse to the point where, as we see, she’s constantly in the bathroom trying to cope by washing her hands. Any tiny deviation from that “perfection”  — like, say, leaving your tutoring session when you realize your lifelong friend just got devastating news — results in the sort of yelling/physical abuse she can only escape from via a locked door. While things get worse on her end, they get better on Ju-Jyung’s. Her grades go up some and she becomes even more popular, attracting not only school-wide attention, but the attention of the two hottest guys too, including Soo-Ho. For a while this is still fine from Soo-Jin’s perspective, but things really take a turn when Ju-Kyung changes Soo-Ho. Meaning, she helps him come out of his shell and teaches him how to be a kinder person… which includes being a better friend to Soo-Jin. The Soo-Ho who suddenly lies and announces that they have to go study just to get Soo-Jin away from her father’s insults, all of it stemming from a small tick he paid attention to, or comforting her while she sobs over the abuse… that Soo-Ho didn’t exist at the story’s start. He was too wrapped up in his own grief and has been that way for a long time. They may have known each other since childhood, but Soo-Jin and Soo-Ho don’t appear to be particularly close in the past—all Soo-Ho’s flashbacks are with Seo-Joon and Se-Yeon. But that starts to change once Soo-Ho himself changes. Soo-Jin’s ability to keep it together is unraveling, Soo-Ho is opening up and becoming more emotionally available (something Soo-Jin even comments on), then her whole class starts eagerly talking up how good they would be as a couple… so Soo-Jin sees a lifeline. Soo-Ho will care for her even when no one else will. Of course he will. She’s already seen him be that person multiple times. 

The problem is that Soo-Ho has his own life and his own problems to grapple with. Between grief over See-Yeon, panic over telling Ju-Kyung how he feels, and the initial rush of dating—what couple doesn’t want to spend all their time together at the start?—he doesn’t have much energy for Soo-Jin. Which from his perspective is fine. They don’t normally hang out together outside of study groups, so yeah, he can put off a conversation with her… not realizing that Soo-Jin is now putting all her emotional eggs in his basket. By the time her feelings are coming to light, Soo-Jin is actively sabotaging her own attempts to get attention and compassion from Soo-Jin. By manipulating them—here’s a new scrunchy to remind you that you’re my best friend and you can’t ever betray me, here I am showing up unannounced at your apartment and guilting you into not spending more time with me, etc.—Soo-Jin has put Soo-Ho (rightfully) on his guard. He’s wary of having a private conversation with her about something she won’t name when he knows Ju-Kyung has been a mess over losing her friendship. He has no desire to listen to her confession of love after she’s just tossed Ju-Kyung’s beloved necklace into the fire. In her efforts to ensure that Soo-Ho pays attention to her, she only succeeds in driving him away. 

All of which makes Ju-Kyung the enemy in her eyes. The new competition. To her mind, friendship and love cannot co-exist because Ju-Kyung stands in the way of that love, therefore one has got to go. (In contrast Seo-Joon, coming from a loving family, is in time better able to accept that he can be friends with Soo-Ho even though he likes Ju-Kyung. We can discuss the problems inherent in giving one plot to the girl and the other to the guy, but as they are, these characters have concrete, in-world reasons for their different reactions to what’s essentially the same situation.) And why does love (“love”) win out over friendship? Because Soo-Jin has latched onto Soo-Ho being her boyfriend as the way to finally “win” at life and fix all her problems. It’s fine if she’s not the best provided she’s dating the best, just look at how much Dad fawned over him. Second place academically is suddenly an option provided the top student is on her team, so to speak. The fact that Soo-Ho is also one of the most handsome, a great athlete, super rich, and one of the few people to provide her with feelings of safety certainly doesn’t hurt matters. And the only thing that stands in her way of securing this life-saving “win” is Ju-Kyung. Who is she? No one compared to Soo-Jin. Her grades are terrible. She’s not wealthy. She’s pretty… but oh, only with her makeup on. 

Soo-Jin doesn’t need makeup, so why not win this competition by showing the whole school—showing Soo-Ho—what a fraud Ju-Kyung is? 

From Soo-Jin’s perspective she’s done the math and come out on top. Everything that (supposedly) matters she either has equal to Ju-Kyung, or is superior, therefore it’s obvious that Soo-Ho would choose her in the end. She says at much: If I had confessed first you would have loved me first, so now that I have confessed you’ll break up with her. Hell, even Ju-Kyung believes this. She has the nightmare about Soo-Ho learning that Soo-Jin has feelings for him and immediately, publicly breaking up with her. After all, if he suddenly has both as an option the winner is obvious, right? It’s all about competition, what they’ve been taught to believe is a competition: Ju-Kyung through her bullying and Soo-Jin through her abuse. The difference is that Ju-Kyung has had the whole series with Soo-Ho (and others) helping her slowly unlearn this mentality. Soo-Jin had the rug pulled out from under her in an instant. 

Soo-Ho says no, I wouldn’t have loved you if you had confessed first and I’m not going to date you now. It’s important to realize that this shatters Soo-Jin’s entire world. It’s not about a girl being upset that she can’t get the guy — not even about Soo-Ho as an individual, really —  it’s about an abused girl not knowing how to grapple with the fact that she finally did everything “right” and still couldn’t “win,” coupled with losing the last bit of security she had. Soo-Ho broke the unspoken rules Soo-Jin’s father beat into her and she doesn’t know where to go from there. She literally has no one else to turn to. So she falls back on the only way she does know how to handle a situation like this: by still trying to win. If Soo-Ho won’t admit that she’s better, she’ll force him to realize that by plastering Ju-Kyung’s “ugly” face all over social media. Which, to be clear, isn’t an excuse. This isn’t meant to be a way of absolving Soo-Jin of her absolutely horrific actions, only a means of explaining them. Her descent, while shocking to those of us who loved her initial character, is well written because it’s a nuanced look at what can happen when you abuse a kid her whole life and teach her that competition is everything. Oddly enough, she’ll apply a competitive outlook to everything and deal with her stress in unhealthy ways. Ju-Kyung is a victim of Soo-Jin now, but Soo-Jin is a victim too. Her home life has ensured that she does not know how to accept failure—or what true failure even means—so it was inevitable that when things got bad, she’d  try to fix it in ways that hurt both her and those around her. It’s all she knows how to do. 

So far less “Perfect girl goes ooc and abandons her friend over a boy” and far more “Abused girl falls into a terrible, but predictable cycle that the other stressed high schoolers around her are not equipped to break.” Soo-Jin’s story isn’t bad writing, it’s tragic. Thanks for coming to my three page TED talk ✌️

***

2/4/21 FINALE UPDATE! 

[heliosthegriffin]

He’s channeling his energy productively.

Jaune walked down the halls of Beacon backed to his dorm, it had been a long day so far, not a hard day though, just one of those days that kept going and seemed like they wouldn’t end. Making it back to his room would at least let him spend the rest of day how’d like.

The sounds of laughter followed a group of older girls walked pasted him. It was outside of class time so the students could wear whatever they wanted. They wore clothes that were made to go clubbing.

Jaune’s eyes had a life of their own as they stared at the girls walking past, you’d think having seven sisters would make him more respectful wouldn’t you? But, having a lesbian older sister, and a couple others that were bi, all they did was teach him how to peak without getting caught.

That said he’d doubt his friends would call him out for staring, considering some of the girls here had assets that would give Yang pause.

They didn’t notice him pausing and walked by, a fragrant fruity perfume left behind. Jaune couldn’t help but look behind him, watching those girls go, a sway in their step that cause something in Jaune to rise up.

“Dammit,” Jaune cursed as his pants tightened up.

Jaune look around before he adjusted his pants, so that his zipper wouldn’t fly off by accident again, and tucking his erection down his pant leg so that it’d be less noticeable.

Jaune felt frustration well up in him, this had become a reoccurring problem since he started Beacon. The girls here were just too damn hot! It made walking anywhere a damn hassle and a embarrassment, and he had no way to release any of his damn tension in his dorm, Nora had broken the locks to the bathroom and the door; That had probably been the closest he had ever come to killing somebody.

Letting out an other sigh he resigned himself to shuffling back to the dorm as the blood went flowing elsewhere. He should just thank his lucky stars that he’d never popped a boner anywhere near Ruby, Yang would have found out somehow, probably Nora, and then killed him.

Right as he got close to the dorms, Jaune’s blood-flow was back to normal, but he still felt tense and incredibly worked up.

The sound of weights being lifted, treadmills running, and other exercise equipment sounded from nearby.

The gym was only a short walk away from the dorms. Jaune paused for a moment, Nora and Yang always seemed to go to the gym when they go worked up, maybe he should try it, it’s not like he didn’t go often anyway, so what would it hurt to work out so stress?

---------

Jaune stared at the scroll in his hands, ‘10:03′ where did the time go? He went in at ‘4:26′, went to the weight rack, and then everything seemed to go into a blur, and then the next thing he remembered was a upperclassman telling him the gym was closing in soon.

“Guess, I had more stress to work out than I thought I did.” Jaune said to himself walking to the gym showers, suddenly starting to feel exhausted and wanting to jump into bed at the closest opportunity.

-----------

The next morning was agonizing, his arms felt like they were made of pure, while on fire and being pulled apart! Maybe he went too hard last night.

He was also feeling cavernously hungry. No wonder Nora has an appetite like a black-hole.

------

Jaune’s problem came back in full force during lunch when Yang leaned too far back and the top couple buttons of her shirt decided they wanted a life in the air force.

Leaving Jaune with a delicious view of her cleavage.

Yang looked at her shirt, “Shoot, I actually liked this one.” She then resumed eating.

A hand caressing his leg, brought him out of his vision. “Are you alright, Jaune?” Pyrrha’s warm, gentle voice whispered into his ear

A mildly blush went up his face. “Yeah, just, uh, taking in the view.”

“Oh, ok then, but if your not feeling well, I can take you back to the room.”

“I’m good.” Jaune said a little too fast, as his mind started to fill in the blanks of what his monkey brain wanted to do to Pyrrha.

Pyrrha nodded.

Jaune felt thankful that Yang or Nora hadn’t found a chance to tease him about being alone with Pyrrha. 

Lunch came and went, and Jaune made sure he was the last to get up, so that his problem wouldn’t be seen. He couldn’t exactly fiddle with himself under the table without drawing attention. So with all the swiftness he had, he tucked himself into his pant-leg while getting up.

In hindsight, maybe walking behind his developed female friends, and especially Blake, was a bad idea. His other head disagreed with him.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, combat class was a mess, but mostly cause he can’t being drawn to his friend outfits, they showed so much leg.

He went back to the gym again after class, he went to the treadmill and leg exercise machine. The upperclassman had to tell him to leave again.

-------

The rest of the week seemed to follow a similar pattern for Jaune, he’d wake up sore, but a little less so each day, go to class, end up aroused, then pent up, then go to the gym when he had the free time, and only when he had free time, going into those workout trances made him lose anytime for studying, hanging out, or training. 

Training with Pyrrha was probably the hardest part of his week, literally and metaphorical, because while he loved Pyrrha like a sister, his body constantly reminded him that they were not siblings! It always made him feel disgusted when ever he looked at Pyrrha that way. No way Pyrrha ever looked at him that way.

After training with Pyrrha though, he still had two hours before the gym closed, and he was pent up again.

The upperclassman had told him to get an alarm or something, cause he wouldn’t always be there to tell him to leave.

-------------

Hanging out with team RWBY was always a... Experience, they were fun, don’t get him wrong, but it was like chaos in a bottle. The bottle was also cracked, and there was no cork either.

Today he and the rest of his team came over to hangout, and Ruby insisted they play twister.

Jaune was forming a bridge with his arms bending backwards to stay on there spot, while Ruby was draped across him with one leg over his shoulder and the other over his arm, with her front laying across his stomach, and her arms going in between and around his legs. While Nora lay under him her chest pressing into his back. It was also a really small mat.

Everybody else had dropped out, or refused to play, while Blake controlled the game, and Yang video taped everything.

Then Nora sneezed into his neck. That was the straw that broke the camels back. Sneeze both tickled his neck and scared the life out of Jaune, as he somehow managed to jump a foot into the air from his position, carrying Ruby with him. They landed on Nora with a thud.

Jaune’s position with Nora’s chest on his back and Ruby’s legs on his chest, really wasn’t going to help with his tension, as his lower-body decided to achieve liftoff.

That said he had managed to get a grip on himself lately,. So Jaune calmly got off Nora, and picked up Ruby, putting her next to Nora. All while hiding his full mast, then went to the gym again.

“You think he’s alright?” Ruby asked innocently.

“Probably just rubbing one out.” Nora said full of confidence. “These sweater puppy's of mine are of a quality most women can only dream of, yet here I sit, my majesty a reality, I don’t blame Jaune at all.”

------------

Jaune was watching with wrapt attention as Ms. Goodwitch strode across the arena pointing out several flaws in recorded fights she had on holographic videos. Tapping them with her wand to enhance the smaller images at time.

RIIIP

Her blouse broke, showing off globes of creamy white flesh barely being contained by a purple bra.

Ms. Goodwitch paused, a light blush on her face. “Well, Students this should teach us to be prepared for anything.”

Jaune then got up, walking out the door.

“Mr. Arc, where do you think your going?” His teacher asked severely, as several laughs broke out of the room, many people pointing at him.

“To the gym. I don’t think I’m going to be able to focus much today.” “Very well, any others who wished to join him?”

The gym was very packed that day.

------

Jaune enjoyed hanging out with Pyrrha, she was probably the best friend he ever had. He just wished she would stop having to bend over so often in front of him, or walking in front of him when she did that he couldn’t help but focus on her swaying hips.

Jaune sighed as he felt a rise tower start to erect. “I’m going to the gym be back later.”

Pyrrha merely looked bewildered. She though she had him for sure this time!

----

The transfer students were interesting people, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of them. They came from all walks of life, all paths, all creeds and kingdoms. From the strictly dressed military like Atlas Academy, to the survival of the fittest types and loosely dressed Shade Academy, or the storied and traditional style of Mistral. They were all interesting, diverse, strong and incredible sexy.

Ever since he ran into that black haired girl and her green haired partner, he somehow kept managing to find them in the most compromising or revealing positions possible.

So, Jaune started hitting the gym harder than ever.

--------------

1 Year later....

----

With a slight shaking arms Jaune pushed the loaded bar back up, exhaling. Then he took a slow, deep inhale as he lowered it down to his chest, then exhaled rising it up again. Inhale, exhale, till he finished his rep.

He rose up from the bench with a grate moan, feeling the warm soreness across his body. It hurt, but in a good way. In a way he couldn’t have appreciated a year ago.

Grabbing his towel he wiped the sweat off his face, and then cleaned off the bench. Treat the gym right, and it’ll treat you right back.

Jaune paused as he walked toward the shower, he had gotten into a habit of showering here so he didn’t have to make his teammate's rush to clean up, there was wall of mirror he looked himself over finding nothing of note, beside himself sweaty and his hair kinda sticky looking.

The water was cold, but high pressured, helping unwind any knots on his back and wash off grime better. He had started taking cold showers more frequently as in the field your rarely got to wash off in general, and if you did, it’s not likely you’ll get hot water, so it he thought it was probably best to get into the habit now.

Working out felt good, taking a shower afterword was just perfect. The only thing that would make it better was wearing his onesie, he had a right to comfort! But, it had gone mysteriously missing after he met Coco on his walk back from the gym half a year ago. So, for now he was stuck wearing white tank-top, and a pair of cotton shorts back to the dorm.

He waved by to the upperclassman about to close the gym, and left for his dorm. He may not have started going to the gym for the right reason, but over the course of a year, he felt like he had grown from then. In fact... what was the reason he started going to the gym? Something about women? Eh, must have been nothing. Ever since he started taking his training double seriously during the Vytal festival, it was like he just didn’t feel dating anybody till he around to being a huntsman, like that there was more to life than dating or stuff.

Jaune ran a hand through his hair, he had started growing it out at the beginning of the second year and now Pyrrha and everybody else vetoed him getting a hair cut! 

“Hahah, jokes on them though, they have to brush the knots out of my hair!”

Walking back to his dorm a fruity perfume pasted his nose, a vaguely familar laughter along with it. Then a slightly familar group of girls were walking in the opposite direction as him. They looked like they came back from a night on the town. He liked the way they dressed, it complimented themselves very well.

As he walked pasted them they paused and stared at him, Jaune paused too, but shrugged, giving them a broad smile and a wave before walking back to his dorm.

Jaune failed to miss the women eyeing fucking him as he walked away, all of them red face and heavy breathing.

“Hmm, why do I feel like I’m in danger?”

----------

Jaune wasn’t sure when, but he had grown into a morning person. It was fun to get up in the morning now, he liked watching the sun rise, seeing the sky change colors on his morning runs. 

Being team leader meant having responsibilities, so being a early riser now meant getting up his team, they were going to be third-years in a not small amount of time. So he made sure that they got up at a reasonable time to prepare for the day. Along with the fact on mission they would have to get up before the sun rise on most days.

Also, he especially liked to watch his teammates get up, it was entertaining in different ways from Nora crashing out of bed, to Ren rising from a blanket cocoon, and Pyrrha’s silly little death threats to any man stealing bitches out there.

He tended to wake them up with a gentle approach putting hand on there shoulders and carefully shaking them awake. He had forgotten how strong he was a couple of months ago when he sent Nora flying into a wall by accident, so had tried to be gentle.

The rest of Team Jnpr had learned a couple months ago that they no longer had a choice in waking up early, the only choice was before the sun was up or after.

Jaune put on his uniform for class, he frowned a little bit, as it was tighter than it was yesterday. Maybe it’s new? Guess it needs to be broken in.

Team RWBY met them at breakfast, Ruby refused to let her other bestie get ahead in the leader game by letting just JNPR get up early! Jaune didn’t notice but he often got murderous glances from Blake.

Eating breakfast Jaune felt a crick in his back so he leaned back.

Pop-pop-pop-pop, RIIIIP!

His buttons on his shirt fired off like a machine gun shattering against the walls of the cafeteria, and then his shirt fell to pieces, revealing his sculpted torso, arms and abs.

“Ahh man, I liked that shirt.” Then continued eating, not aware of the stares his friends, other students, and Ms. Goodwitch were giving his body, eyeing him up as much or more than he used to do to them.

AN: If this Jaune was ever put into a situation where couldn’t exercise for like a week, his libido would come back with vengeance and make him a unstoppable sex monster. That said, what are the odds of that happening?

[hyukmoon]

moon. | l.sy x gn!reader

lee sangyeon x gn!reader

word count: about 4.01k

to put it short: congrats! Something you should actually say, right? Your best friend and crush is getting married in two days and you feel,... well, not very good about it. So, wait... he's returning the feelings? Damn.

content warning: ANGST in capital letters, I would add lots of exclamation points but im lazy. So yeah, hella angsty. Some good old making out, it's kind of heavy at some point but no smut at this point lol. I don't condone any of the done actions, so yeah, I would've personally handled everything differently, but you know, y/n is kinda wild. Very awkward sometimes, but that's more the situation in itself. ALSO, NOT PROOFREAD

taglist: @loki-in-hogwarts

note: the second thing i wrote and im somewhat excited!!! Yes! Exclamation points. So,... thanks for reading :)

It was a great day. Well, at least seemingly for everyone but you. Your best friend in this world Sangyeon was about to get married to the love of his life, who is notyou and now you just stand in the hotel lobby waiting for it to happen. Funnily enough, the crushing feeling of desperation and fear didn’t seem to set in yet.

The hotel lobby was filled to the brim with acquaintances and other guests possibly confused by the uproar of the wedding guests. So, who were you specifically waiting for? The rest of your friend group, the ones who will most likely clean up after the wedding whatever will be left of you.

A nervous smile swept up to your lips, casually just avoiding every sort of tension that could come across you. Just with the luck of this entire occurrence an older woman started to approach you, demon alike features spreading around her face almost like she knew you were apparently the only single person here. An aunty, that wasn’t even related to you but had all the business to judge.

“Are you here for the bride or the groom?”, her sweet voice rang a familiar feeling in your stomach. Almost too sweet, making you suspicious of her intent. “I’m here for my best friend, Sangyeon. So, yeah, for the groom.”, you hesitated a second, “What about you though? Do you know the bride?”

“She’s my youngest niece, the only one that still visits, her sisters don’t even care anymore…” You nodded politely, not wanting to anger her now and stepped towards a different direction.

“So, my dear, are you here with anybody?” You already feared that question, the same as always. The eyes of yours started with a panicked expression searching through the room a familiar pair. “No, I am here on my own. I kinda wanted to focus on getting Sangyeon through with it, being there for him.” As a friend.

Possibly this was the first part of feeling despair and fear. People at this wedding were really waiting for them to get married. They weren’t joking, this would change everything.

“Ah, I see. You know, get over him. Well, it is time for you at least, you’re not getting younger. There are quite few handsome men here. I remember the names Juyeon and ah yes! Kevin, get over here!” As far as you were concerned, your facial expression couldn’t possibly look more stunned than a moment ago, yet another one of your good friends appeared, seemingly just as confused.

This only held on for a good second, Kevin knew exactly what to do. “Oh hi, I’m so sorry to steal [Y/N] away from you, but I actually need to talk to them on my own over a gift we both prepared for the couple!”, he grinned at the lady, who was obviously smitten with him. “Yes, of course, hun. Take your time.” She finally hushed into a separate direction.

“So, how are we doing? You seem kinda… stressed.”

“You don’t say”, you sighed, “if I have to go through a conversation like this again today, believe me I’ll-. “

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I get the sentiment. Even though I meant more the other situation. Like in, Sangyeon getting married and you sitting here all grumpy because of it.”, Kevin was already aware of your “small” infatuation with your best friend, a man too far out of your reach also funnily enough, the man’s wedding you’re attending. However, your friend in front of you didn’t seem to mind talking about it out loud in a place like the hotel lobby. Your lips tightened up into a fine line.

“I’m not grumpy! I just…I don’t really know what to do. I mean, I know I’m going to be there for him but yeah, okay, I might feel a bit grumpy.” The lobby did clear up a lot now.

“Okay, oof. There’s this dinner with everyone in the evening today, do you think you can get through that?”, Kevin asked hesitantly just as stressed with this additional complication.

“I mean, I probably have to, don’t I? This makes me so sick, ugh. Not gonna lie, my stomach feels like a laundry machine.” You laughed quietly and drifted off again into a place where you didn’t need to think about this.

“What did you really expect though? You know I love you, respectfully, but like, this feels like an incredibly bad move to do.”

“Don’t you think it would be worse if I didn’t show up at all? I’ll just need to go through this weekend and I’m outta here. No one will know anything.” It might feel like a nightmare but at least a nightmare you can actually run away from and not actually have to face at some point.

“Well, I hope you’ll keep your confidence. Because imagine I saw the person, I love getting married to someone else. Oh my, believe me, you wouldn’t find me for the next three weeks.”

“Not very helpful, a good three out of ten. I guess, I’ll just stick to sulking around then.” A dead smile crept up your lips following a stern look from your side at your opposite.

“Seems like a good plan, just stick to me, maybe we will find someone to take your attention away from this, huh?” A sly grin was visible on Kev’s face.

“Ughhh, of course. Let’s do this. It can’t get much worse than that”, you cleared your throat, “thanks, though. You actually make this here somewhat bearable.”

“Awww, come on. We should pack out our suitcases.”

No one can really prepare someone for a moment like this. Most older folk turned into their hotel rooms which left you in a party like situation seeing your closest friends turning it up in a huge pavilion while the future groom sits comfortably on a velvety sofa hand in hand with his fiancée.

The air was quite warm even at this time of the evening, not humid, just warm enough for everyone to taste the end of this era with nostalgia and a slight feeling of energy to experience what’s to come afterwards.

You as well sat down, continuously processing your environment. With a cup of your favorite drink, you felt invincible, nothing able to shake you down.

Now while this wasn’t a preferred environment, this was manageable; you could look your best friend into his eyes and proudly congratulate him on his wedding. You would be able to get over this and continue to be a great friend. Black hair with an intense facial expression made its way into your viewpoint along with a somewhat tipsy Kevin. Simultaneously the lighter hair of your best friend fought his way through the crowd.

Lee Sangyeon, the man lighting up your mood with simple touch of his fingertips was now signalizing for you to head outside towards the veranda of the pavilion. He exuded patience, yet clearly waiting for a response of you. You nodded and brushed cautiously over your evening attire.

“Hii, [Y/N]! Can I introduce this someone to you? This is Juyeon, he might look a bit intense, but he’s really nice to talk to! So, I’m gone for a sec then!” Kevin started drifting off into a different direction where you stopped him in his tracks.

“Could this wait? Sangyeon needs to talk to me. I think it’s important, I’ll come back though in a bit!” You gifted both of them an apologetic face and made your way around the men towards the going to be groom.

Surely it wasn’t exactly clear why he wanted to speak to you, especially on his own. He was still waiting for you after all.

“[Y/N]! What has it been? Like three? Four months? I missed you so much.”, Sangyeon pulled you into his chest abruptly and sighed softly into your shoulder. Engulfed entirely in his figure you never wanted to wake up from this again. Was it now 10 seconds? 15 seconds? Neither he nor you really seemed to let go, taking in all the scents of his that were formerly familiar to you.

“Yeah, I think so. You were probably busy planning this all and I just had to work, I guess.” Trying to keep it short was your main goal, appearing distant maybe. He didn’t mind at all though. Not discouraged from continuing this conversation Sangyeon pointed at the veranda, showing the only speck of space with little to no crowd.

The veranda was close to closed off to the party. Non distinguishable palm trees in the far distance were playing right into your cards for not having to look into his eyes. Magnetically glowing, that’s how he appeared. All happy and smiley about the obvious luck he was experiencing. Now again, he sat down with you in the beach chairs without loosing a word.

“The palm trees are so pretty. You remember me wanting to buy some new plants?”, you tried to invite him to the conversation.

“You always want to buy new plants, which time do you mean?” Sangyeon grinned to himself. “You know what? It’s so weird. Everything feels still so unreal. This wedding, also you at my wedding… So weird.”

“I am literally your best friend, where else should I be? Your funeral? At home? Who else is going to charm the hotel staff for some free capri suns and new towels?” Your mouth crinkled up and you let out a soft laugh.

“[Y/N] … You know exactly what I mean!”

“Noo, not at all. I’m so confused right now, not gonna lie.” Your face finally moved towards his direction, seeing his gentle gaze resting on you.

“Do you remember when we were still in school, and we promised each other we would marry each other if we didn’t find anybody else?” His gaze got more intense with each sentence.

“Yeahh, kind of. I was probably tired and it’s like ten years ago. I’m not really sure what you’re trying to tell me.”

“I really thought I was going to marry you. For several years, actually.”, he laughed. “I had such a crush on you and then you met your s/o and all that. Ughh, it seemed so complicated back then. Kind of weird to think about what could have happened if I did ask you out or something.”

“True.”, you turned away again standing up and resting against the wooden railing of the pavilion. “But you didn’t so, let’s just drop it there.” The weather as well started rebelling a bit, the wind hugging your figure slightly too tight for your taste.

“Why are you so cold all of a sudden?”, he whispered closely behind you.

“Well, you’re getting married tomorrow. And you’re telling me about a crush you had on me?”, you croaked.

“I was just being nostalgic, I thought this would be fine with you.” Sangyeon appeared now next to you on the railing, waiting for you to face his concerned dark eyes.

“It isn’t for me. It just feels wrong.”

“What feels so wrong about it? It was a long time ago.”

It is here, the bitterness. Bitterness shouldn’t even be the correct term, the pain of your heart going into a slump didn’t feel like a fitting word. Being reminded again that you will never have a chance again.

“Wait or is it not a long time ago for you?”, The voice of his tried to word his next sentence very carefully.

“I went out with them because I thought you were joking. Then when I thought about you, it was always different. It was too late though, you met her.” Only the close ocean along with the wind were hearable, neither you nor he were able to form another thought put into a sentence.

“You could’ve told me. I would’ve-.”

“Broken up with her?”

“No, I-.”

“Then what could you have done?”, you interrupted Sangyeon’s rambling, trembling while speaking. Terribly spiteful with a bite that wasn’t too often dripping down your lips.

“This.” Sangyeon pressed a fluttery kiss against your lips. Slender fingers tapped onto the skin right under your chin, signalizing you to look at him.

The now much calmer atmosphere made you snake your arms around his torso. Heat rose towards your head, longing after a second out in the cold again just to see his lovely facial expression. Your lips broke off and touched once more in an almost hypnotic fashion.

His hot breath started sliding downwards your cheek to your neck, physically making you unable to resist his entrancing presence. Also his hands broached over from your face down to your waist, holding you with the lightest touch.

Sangyeon’s lips darted away from yours, catching you staring deeply into his eyes. The silence felt warm now as well, filled with the slow and recovering breath of the participants.

“[Y/N], I think I still feel that way.”, a rosy blush swept over the man’s face you wanted to hear say these things so many times and so long ago.

“No. No. No. You shouldn’t! I shouldn’t either! I have to go.” The reality of the situation caught up to you. This was bad. Incredibly bad. Still the disgusting feeling of hope within this made its way up to your head. Stinging alongside the feeling of remorse, you didn’t think clearly, especially now, next to him.

You darted in the fastest way possible from the pavilion up to the hotel to your room, leaving him there.

Today should be the final day. The hopes that already should have been buried a long time ago, crawled up again and clawed its way into your mind. What if he leaves her for you today? Like in those unrealistic rom coms. Yes, again, it was unrealistic.

Leaving her at the altar and running after you. While all those thoughts of hope and wishes came together you found yourself with a stomachache. His fiancée was an incredibly nice person, sweet and kind along with being a beauty. You shouldn’t even dare to think about Sangyeon that way anymore, she deserved a lot more. Quite honestly, you felt pathetic. Who were you to run into their possible future?

Just because of a simple brush over the lips, his eyes staring into yours like no one else existed but you and his soft hands delicately touching your waist. A tap on your shoulder put you out of your trance, “[Y/N]? Can you go up to Sangyeon’s room? He asked for you.” Kevin’s eyes glanced at you with uncertainty. Neither you nor he knew why he wanted to see you.

Even more importantly, why did he need to see you alone? This seemed like dangerous territory after, basically yesterday. Agony rose again, what if he really was going to leave her?

“Sure, I don’t know why he wants to see me again though.”, you said and left to see the groom’s room. You stumbled more and more over every step closer to the door of the man who’s going to rip your heart and air out of your lungs. The normally soft laid out carpet felt in this moment like you were stepping barefoot over glass. There was the door, brightly painted in eggshell paired with the digits of the hotel room.

Before you could reach the door to knock on it, light brown waves greeted your overtly surprised face.

“You clean up well.”, Sangyeon’s rang in your ears clearer than freshly hung-up laundry in your nose. His previously concerned face curled up into a faint smile.

“Same goes for you”, you tried your best to hide the very apparent frog in your throat, “So, why do you need me?”

“Just needed to see you before going out there, I guess.”, his voice got a lot quieter. It got silent.

Not sure if a said word was necessary, you plopped down on a small, velvety stool. Every whisper was to be heard. An otherness surrounded Sangyeon, like he wasn’t there anymore, and his thoughts took over his being. You scooted closer towards him, just wanting to see him up close for the last time like this, smelling his earthy cologne from this distance.

“Why are you doing this to me?”, your voice went close to hoarse after the question. He was just as silent as before. No sound, nothing. This torment of a weekend was supposed to end with no gratification, not feeling free from this feeling on your chest? Your hand slid over his, the most desperate attempt to get his attention while also experiencing his touch again. Sangyeon jerked his hand back and returned to his absent posture.

“Why do you want to hurt me like this? I am your best friend, and you use me like I’m nothing.” The lack of power you had now made you sink down to the beige teddy carpet. Small tears started swelling up in your nearly dry eyes, kind of contradictory, yet the more tear drops rolled down your cheeks the rottener and hollow you felt.

“You were my best friend until you-.”, he stopped midsentence, “made me feel things again I didn’t need, I didn’t want.” Also his face was wet, ridden with tears making his usually calm and cheerful persona look like a painful insult.

“You asked me here. It hurts, Sangyeon. I can’t make it stop hurting, I don’t know what to do”, you reached for him again, “Could I ever be enough for you?” He returned your former attempts to stroke your face. Cornering both of you, the air trapped you in the toxins of heartbreak and hopelessness.

Once again, Sangyeon’s hand glid over your soft skin and halted on your face. Glaringly staring into each other’s eyes, you were there again. The day before, yesterday. Close to baring the soul of each person present.

“[Y/N], it’s not about being enough. It never has been. I have made a commitment I already broke, I…I can’t do this”, he sighed, “you know I love her.”

“I thought you loved me as well.” Overwhelming nothingness overruled you, almost scaring you about this reaction. You weren’t crying, yelling nor having any physical reaction at all. It was convincingly numb; the resting hurt would come later. Sangyeon’s head dropped in the dip of your shoulder and neck.

This sort of closeness would never happen again. You feeling him breathing into you while having his comforting heartbeat close to yours.

“I do, but I can’t do this to her. I would never do this to her.”, he whispered into your shoulder. A sigh came from his side.

“Then, please. Kiss me, for the last time.” The last part of the sentence left a disgustingly bitter taste in your mouth. This was over, right? His head, which was formerly resting on your shoulder, drifted up and towards yours. Also his expression blank and hollow, like he didn’t know anything.

For the last time, his hands cupped your face in a comfortable manner. As always, he felt homely, but he surely wasn’t yours ever. Not even waiting a good second or two, the light brunette’s face came closer to yours. With no hesitation both of your lips touched tenderly, releasing every sort of affection that could be expressed at that second. You inhaled again his intoxicating scent, in the hopes of having him all over you. His now reddened lips moved closer towards your jawline making you gasp for air.

Also, you weren’t completely still, constantly shifting your hands up and down over his torso upwards his neck, desperately feeling everything, you can for the last time. Sangyeon’s locks tickled you softly while he suddenly latched his mouth onto your neck right below your ear.

“No. Please, I just want a kiss on my lips.”, you said lowly, closely resembling a whine afterwards. He complied pretty quickly, leaving you with no thought but him tickling your bottom lip with his warm tongue. With him being this fast, you didn’t want to keep him on his toes. Entirely engaged in this moment, hands surprised you again on your waist, wandering closer and closer under the blouse you were wearing. You moaned into the kiss, making him take the opportunity to maneuver his tongue into your mouth.

Similarly to you, he was also stunned for a short moment when you grabbed up onto some strands of hair. A sigh left his now plump lips, a need of fresh air arrived onto both of you. Yet this was short lived, his hands captured your chin and attached his lips again onto yours in a matter of mere seconds. A bell rang, close footsteps to be heard across the floor reminding you of the situation you were in.

“Why am doing this? I am so sorry.”, you broke off his lips and took a step backwards at the door.

“[Y/N], we both did this, and it won’t happen again. We just need some time without each other. I think it would be for the best if we don’t spend time together alone anymore.”

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing? I don’t know what to say. I-.”, His lips captured yours again fast with a lot more force behind his kiss.

A strong arm shut the about to be opened door again and hovered over your head. The other one caught grabbed your chin with an almost contradictory feeling to it, the lightest touch just to shove you into his direction. You sighed into his lips, waiting for him to commit with his tongue one more time. Buttery lips pressed against yours and clang inside your mouth. Fiercely did your tongues meet, ending with him sucking on yours. Wet cheeks batting against each other with no intent of separating, your movement still came to a halt.

“You know what? I hate this. I want you to be happy, then if it is with her, I will just y’know…go or uhm mind my business.”, you slurred the last part. It wasn’t really one of your most prideful moments. Still flushed with tears and embarrassment you dropped again against the room door.

“I ask for one condition though,” incredibly hearse was your voice after the crying and even more so because of your follow up, “I do not not want to see you for some time, I don’t want to have to see your face ever again.” Tears weren’t anymore swelling up in your eyes, they never seemed to stop running down with no chance of leaving this conversation with an ounce of self-respect and pride.

It wasn’t even really much of a problem to leave him behind for a bit, it most likely would be for the best anyway, yet while his words should only leave a small mark and feel like a ripped off band aid, you felt alone. A sense of loneliness crept stealthily into you leaving you with nothing but a severe feeling of dread.

“If that is what you want, I’ll respect that.” The room got quieter till you heard the last of his words: “Of course, I still want you in on my wedding though, you’re still my best friend.” Sangyeon’s usual soft and kind smile appeared on his face, seemingly reaching you an olive branch. The former assertiveness and confidence drained through the conversation; you were nothing but a wreck.

“Alright, I’ll be there.”

The ceremony was beautiful. Fairy like flowers were hung all across the beach space, making the place more surreal than it was to begin with. Everything light with a hint of light green and an even lighter lavender tone. The air seemed to have evaporated all the tension and sadness from your face. All across the seats were relatives and friends sitting with a nervously happy face. Ironically, he really thought it was going to be you someday.

“You’re [Y/N], right? Everyone always tried to introduce me to you. Now we’re sitting next to each other at Sangyeon’s wedding together! I’m Juyeon by the way.”

[cloud9in]

Promises (Poppy x MC) Part (2/?)

Read Part ONE (summary for fic is there)

ITS BEEN A MINUTE. @iamsimpforpoppy I hope you’re still around to read :P I love this story lol. Hope you guys do too!!!

Word Count (2.8k)

Bea and Poppy’s relationship became official a month after their initial meeting. One would say they moved quickly, too quickly. But every love story is different. This one in particular seemed to have little to none flaws, if you ignored the fact that Bea was promoted to Carter’s right hand woman in the Southside Spades.

 They did end up having that conversation after all.

 “…Are you sure Carter? I mean this is a huge deal and a special role-“

 “If I didn’t think you were capable you wouldn’t be here right now Goldilocks.”

 Carter winked and clinked his half empty beer bottle against Bea’s, who surprisingly had a nearly full bottle. He took note of the abnormality. 

 The blonde instinctively rolled her eyes at the nickname, “Okay but that name has to go. We need codenames……ooooh how about bimbo and himbo.” 

 “I’m guessing…..no, hoping I’m the himbo?!” Carter comments as he promptly tries to stop the laugh escaping from his lips.

 “Mmmmmmm, I’ll get back to you on that.”

 They share a laugh and Bea feels Carter’s gaze latch onto her in her peripherals. She could sense the shift of energy in the space between them, it almost felt uncomfortable, and that was something she never felt with Carter. “I never asked you if you were okay with such a role. If you aren't, I understand completely, I just want the best for you.”

 The blonde eyes soften at his comment and she looks at him, “never doubted that, where is this going though because you never express your feelings like a normal human being.”

 He pulls on the strings of her hoodie until it completely caves around her face, burying her whole.

 “Hey asshole!” 

 “That’s for talking too much.”

 Bea yanks her hoodie open and sticks her tongue out in a mock expression. “Oh boohoo. Poppy literally says the same thing, I don’t get it. I talk, it’s a problem. I don’t talk, it’s an even BIGGER problem. Damn a girl can’t ever exist in peace.”

 Carter places his bottle flat on the table and studies the blonde’s face. 

 She kept rambling on about her new girlfriend and the gang leader didn’t know it was possible to feel happy yet anxious at the same time. He was aware of when they entered the talking stage, went on their first date, and finally became official, because Bea told him everything. As much as the experience of being in a real relationship was new to her, Bea looked up to him and somehow she knew Carter would give her the best guidance possible. 

 It didn’t stop him from worrying. Like an older brother would. He feared the two would mix, and everyone knows that love and crime will eventually combust. He is no stranger to it.  

 “Bea.”

 “Did you know she stole one of my hoodies and actually won’t give it back?? What am I supposed to do, just take it? No she’d murder me.”

 “Jackson.”

 Her voice slowly dies down after sensing the seriousness in his tone. She takes a sip of her beer to ease the silence that sat in the air, and Carter responds shortly after.

 “You know I trust you with my life right? You’re very important to me, kid.” 

 “I know.”

 Guilt was a feeling he chose to lock away in an unbreakable box and bury six feet deep. There couldn’t be guilt in a lifestyle like this. But Bea was his only exception. And she was slowly bringing that box back up to the surface. 

 “I need you to promise me that you won’t let these two worlds collide.”

 “Carter….”

 “One of you will get hurt. And I won’t forgive myself if it’s you.”

 He leaves Bea at the table, the remnants of his comment still replaying in her head. She pulls out her phone and sees a text from Poppy on her lockscreen. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Can’t wait to see you tomorrow 😘 

 The blonde smiles unconsciously and opens the message to respond.

 I’m missing you like crazy. I have a special surprise for you.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- You know I highly dislike surprises, just tell me. 

 And ruin the surprise? You must be crazier than I thought. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Jackson.

 Patience babe…tomorrow it is. 

 Bea clicks her phone shut and slips it back into her pocket before downing the rest of the beer. 

***

“You know your hand on my ass only makes them stare even more Jackson?”

 Bea bites her lips and gropes the blonde’s plump backside shamelessly while slowly whispering into her ear.

 “That’s the point, princess.”

 Poppy shivers almost instantly at the boldness. “Is this the surprise you were talking about?” Bea doesn’t answer, instead trailing her hand up Poppy’s skirt. This was definitely not the time and place for such behavior but she was clearly still learning everything about her girlfriend. 

 And it definitely felt good to call her that.

 “Since when did you get so brazen? You know you’re exactly the type of person my daddy told me to stay away from.”

 Bea laughs at that statement and wraps her arm around the blonde’s waist, “yeah? And why’s that?”

 “Well I can’t ask him now, he might rough you up and that’s my job.” 

 Poppy could feel the stares of everyone burning into them, but she could only focus on the blonde cuddled up against her. The shorter girl wouldn’t call herself an attention whore, but she sure loved the PDA that Bea projected without a care. It felt nice to be genuinely admired in public rather than putting on a mask everyday. 

 But it’s safe to say that Poppy preferred all the handsy stuff to happen in private. 

 “Do you want to grab dinner with me tonight Pops?”

 “Am I picking the place?”

 “…Yes.”

 “Then yes.”

 Bea rolls her eyes at the blonde’s downright shady self but smiles nevertheless. 

 “Now don’t cancel on me out of the blue. I will not be thrilled about it.”

 “Shouldn’t I be telling you this? Your dad always has something going on in his business that somehow has to involve you too.”

 Poppy sighs and glances over at Bea, “well you know I’ll have to take over eventually. Especially since I’m legally allowed to handle deals now.”

 “I hate that word. Legal. Ugh.” 

 The shorter girl scoffs and plants her hands on her hips, “yeah I bet you do.”

***

Bea dragged open her closet in search of clothes for dinner tonight but the dinging noise of a text distracts her. 

 C-Dog🖤- Need you tonight. Something came up, meet us at the garage.

Bea wanted to thank the gods up above that she didn’t promise Poppy that she’d show up for dinner. But that wasn’t going to save her from the fury of the blonde. Good thing it can’t get worse than that, right….?

Only it was. And Poppy will probably beat her up herself, if she wasn’t dead by the next day. 

Bea’s mind and heart races as she digs her brain for a proper excuse to tell her girlfriend, but is very unsuccessful. She’s good at drug dealing though. 

 Going with the good ole truth never really hurt right?

 Baby I’m so sorry I won’t be able to make it tonight. Got held up with the gang. I know I’m an asshole, I’ll keep in touch I swear. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- What else could I expect from my gang banger girlfriend 🙄 please stay safe..

 You know I always do.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Do I? We need to talk about this tomorrow.

 Of course Pops.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Call me every chance you get or I swear I’ll track you and trust me you do not want me to do that.

 Yeah she definitely doesn’t. Especially since Carter sounded frantic over the phone. The last thing Bea needed was a paranoid girlfriend, so she played it cool like always. 

 Just simple stuff baby girl, talk soon.

 ***

“…What do you mean it’s gone?! So where is it? Do you know what this means Carter??”

 The gang leader sighs frustratingly, rubbing his eyes in efforts to gain some stability. “The product was here, and now it is not. Which can only mean it was stolen. And when I find out which son of a bitch did it, they’re dead.”

 “In the meantime, we are dead”, Bea emphasizes wildly. “This is the Red Raven gang we’re talking about. If they get any inclination that we lost their drugs, they’ll kill and replace us. No mercy. None.”

The blonde paces back and forth trying not to think about buying a plane ticket to Timbuktu. 

Carter approaches Bea and plants his hands on her shoulder, “breathe Jackson. You are my partner. The leader of this gang. So get it out of your system and start being rational.”

 The blonde lets her shoulders sag as she inhales and exhales in place for a while. The minute she’s grounded she catches Carter’s gaze and her eyes light up. “List. I need a list of whoever went in the room with all of the product. We need to narrow it down.”

***

“Jackson you’re a fucking genius.”

 “It’s called having common sense but I’ll take the praise. It’s the only one I’m getting from you anyways.”

 Carter resisted the urge to pick a fight with the younger girl, because finding stolen drugs and not getting killed seemed like a much better idea. 

 Bea figured out that Henry, one of the newly recruited members of SS was a thief, or maybe just a crackhead. Same thing. He was the last to be in that room so all eyes were on him, and guns.

 “Heyyy buddy. Henry right?”

 The shorter man trembled at the sight of a gun lodged right into his mouth. “Mmmm!”

 “Oh I’m sorry, did you want to say something? Here let me just”, Bea clicks the gun which only causes the thief to panic even more. It was almost pitiful. 

 “Alright lay off the poor sucker.” 

 Bea pulls the gun out of his mouth and sits down on a stool in front of Henry with a grin. “So…where is the stash darling?” 

 He points almost immediately to a built in storage locker with a shaky finger. 

 “Ohhh well that was so easy Henry! Glad you could comply. You should tell your friends to be more like you. But…between me and you, they might already be dead”, Bea whispers that last part slowly, smirking when Henry’s lip quivers violently. 

 “Please just do it already! Why are you guys waiting?”

 Bea raised an eyebrow in surprise and glanced over at Carter who scanned the man’s face intensely. “I guess he wants to die? Talk about kinks I mean come on”

 “No.”

 Carter reaches his arm out towards Bea but never takes his eyes off Henry. The blonde watches in confusion until she realizes the thief is looking behind her, and so is Carter.

 “It’s a setup Bea, duck!”

 She dived for the ground quicker than lightning as a bullet flies through the air, leaving a trail of dust behind. Carter ducks for cover as well and starts firing rounds towards the men who snuck up on them. He managed to hit three of them but one grabs Bea by the leg and drags her against the rough concrete. 

 “Son of a- get your dirty hands off of my Dr. Martens. My girlfriend bought me these!”

 A swift kick to the face shut the blonde up real quick but she manages to recoil and send the man sprawling backwards into a row of barrels. 

 Carter guns him down and Bea finds her footing, pistol in hand and a thirst for revenge. But they never stopped coming. 

 Her and Carter were left battered and bruised, but alive. Their product was gone again though. But atleast they were alive. Carter told her that it was a theft mission primarily and neither of them were meant to die. But it only made Bea wonder who those people were.

 And why were they kept alive?

***

“Beatriz Naomi Jackson what the actual fuck?!”

 “Oh not the middle name…”

 Bea tries to avoid Poppy’s killer gaze as she surveys the damage that had been done to her girlfriend’s torso, legs, and face. 

 The strawberry blonde could barely mutter a word. Her mouth opened and closed in brief shock before collapsing next to the injured girl. 

 Bea could see the tears flowing down her rosy cheeks, which contrasted her porcelain skin. “Poppy…are you crying? I..please don’t..”

 “What do you expect me to do Bea? It kills me to see you hurt like this. Who did it? Tell me!” The blonde chokes on her own words as her hands hovers cautiously over Bea’s wounds, afraid to make her feel pain.

 “No I can’t tell you. I mean…I didn’t expect this to happen. It was a setup and we were outnumbered-“

 “We need to get you to a hospital Bea oh my god.”

 The blonde knew that she couldn’t go there. Not with the cops on the scene of the shootout, and actively looking for the people involved. Aka her and Carter. He told her to lay low and heal up, but she didn’t expect Poppy to be sitting on her bed waiting for her when she got home. The initial look on her face made Bea regret ever choosing this life. 

 She regrets it ever since being with Poppy. But it’s like a drug, once you start it’s hard to stop. 

 “I’ll call my father, he has the best doctors available and we’re gonna get your the right treatment and-“ 

 Poppy immediately cuts off, her eyebrows scrunching up until she realizes something. “Wait…what do you mean you were outnumbered Bea?” 

 Bea swallows heavily, praying that this conversation couldn’t escalate further, but that isn’t the case. 

 “Bea, answer me”

 “It..it was just me and Carter. We didn’t think there would be an ambush. We had just gone there to get goods we lost.”

 “And where is Carter? Does he know you’re like this right now? Did he leave you, I swear to god Bea if he left you…” Poppy’s voice cracks as her whole body shivers in violent waves. 

 Bea pulls her girlfriend in for a hug even though it causes every inch of her body to sting harshly. It was the comfort that she needed though. Watching Poppy breakdown over the sight of her was too much, and she began to contemplate everything. 

 “Pops listen to me, I cannot go to the hospital right now. There are cops looking for us.” The strawberry blonde stares at her until she understands the velocity of Bea’s words. 

 “Fine. But there will be a doctor that will come to treat you at my house. And you’re coming, I don’t want to hear it.” 

 Bea knew not to protest that. It was quite obvious this whole incident has left both parties distraught and she didn’t want to try and tell Poppy how to feel. 

 “Just tell me something. Are you in immediate danger? Is someone trying to harm you right now.”

 The blonde chose her words carefully. Because even after coming home beaten to a pulp, she still couldn’t tell the love of her life the full truth. 

 “No Poppy, they just wanted the drugs. They got what they wanted. I’m not in danger.”

 For now.

 “I will be okay.”

 I hope.

 “Don’t lie to me Jackson. I can’t do this if you lie. You promised me you wouldn’t get to the point where you’d have to choose between me and the gang.”

 “I know Poppy…I-“

 “You promised.”

 “And I’m going to keep that promise-“

 “Yeah the hell you are. And you’re going to promise me that you won’t ever come home like this again. You’re going to get yourself killed before we even start our life together. Our future.”

 Bea sucks in a breath which punctures her chest. She couldn’t tell if the injuries or Poppy’s words had caused that terrible ache. “Our…Wait I..”

 “I love you Jackson. I…don’t care if you think it’s too early to say that. I don’t care if I sound too cheesy for a mean girl. I love kissing you and feeling the laughter run through your body when we hug. I love being the reason you smile. I love you. And you don’t have to say it back. I just..I needed you to know-“

 “I love you too. Probably maybe from the moment I met you.”

 Poppy’s eyes seemed to glisten once again and this time there was no sadness etched into the shape. She smiled a pure smile and wrapped her arms around Bea in a tight hug. 

 She captures her lips in a searing kiss that leads to a trail of kisses down the strawberry blonde’s neck, dip of her collarbone, and chest. Bea kisses her until her chest gives out from exhaustion and pain.

 “Then you have to promise that this won’t happen again.” 

 “I promise.”

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NOTES: They’re gonna be fineeeee, right guys??? Graduation next chapter woooo.

Tags: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme  @baexpoppy @poppysmc @doey-eyes8 @veenast @straightlikewetspaghetti @phoennixxsblog